Saturday Night Recap

I'm actually going to start with Friday.

Nelle made a comment about Mike's nose that I had to tell Alex. So I broke my vow and opened the line of conversation again. Because I had to. It was hilarious. But then the one little comment became a humongous conversation. He told me about how his night was going, including all the super gay parts, and I told him about the old man midget who was singing to us in the bowling alley. At some point, he made mention to unplanned nights and how they're always the best because they're unplanned. And I started missing my unplanned moments crew. We had so much fun. So much unplanned fun. So I told him how all the people I had unplanned nights with had moved away. And he said we should have unplanned nights. But then he followed it up with the fact that planning unplanned nights is a catch 22. I told him it would be okay if we had planned get togethers and did unplanned things. He responded with a smiley face and said, "I like."

Now comes Saturday.

I went super girly on everyone's ass. I went and bought boots just so I had something to match my outfit. I ended up looking like Taylor Swift, which is totally cool with me.
Before Alex's improv group went on stage, I was kind of freaking out. The girls behind us in the audience somehow got involved. And for the rest of the night, one of the girls (Ashley) was giving me advice. So, after the Stage Monkeys finished their set, and after ROAR did their rendition of Over the Top, Ashley told me to go find Alex because he'd been sneaking glances at me throughout the entire show. I only noticed this a couple times, but they were able to pay more attention to it than I was. So I went to find him and he gave me this super awesome hug. I told him the show was awesome and he did his usual, "Stop it." And then he had to go talk to someone.
This is where it started getting awkward.
For some reason, for the rest of the night, we weren't fully comfortable around each other. Like, I kept drifting to other places at the after party, and he would eventually follow me, but he never got close. At one point, I was sitting on the stairs and he sat with me and we talked a little bit, but that was it. And if he passed me, he would also touch my arm or back. Which was sweet. But nothing really happened until I had to leave. And that was when he gave me a personal hug.

There's a huge difference between a friendly hug and a personal hug. I give away friendly hugs all the time. But personal hugs are hard to come by. When you get a personal hug, you know it's just for YOU. And it's the best feeling in the world to get one.

So why did nothing happen (and why is nothing STILL happening) after that hug? What did it mean? Does he like me, or is he just thinking I'm a friend? Does he think I'm worth it, like I think he's worth it? Does he know how scared I am?

Most of all, do I ask him out on a planned night of unplanned adventures, or do I wait for him to ask me?

I'm making myself physically ill over this. Something needs to happen SOON. I can't just keep hanging by a thread like this.

A Lifehouse song comes to mind...