Isn't it funny how you don't recognize yourself until you're face-to-face with a mirror?
I read this really weird article on these people called the Nacirema for sociology class. They believe in magic and have special rituals. They believe that the body is ugly and easily diseased. They believe the mouth is sacred and clean it every day and go to a holy-mouth-man twice a year so they can have magic powders put in and on their teeth. They keep their bodily functions a secret. They pay healer men to see them and prescribe cleansing medicines which they much then pick up from the apothecary, whom they also pay. The women stick their heads in small ovens for an hour each month or more. The men scrape the hair off their faces with sharp objects. Women hide their pregnancies because sex is a taboo'd topic. And their ideal set of breasts is described as 'hypermammary'.
Weird, right? Why would people think or believe or do this stuff?
But then you take a closer look.
Nacirema = American, backwards.
We do this stuff. We brush our teeth every morning to keep our mouths clean. We pay doctors to look at us, and then we pay the pharmacy for the medicine that will make us better. We keep our bodily functions a secret (for the most part) from others. Men shave. Women get their hair dyed professionally and have to sit under the 'oven' for an hour. And if our ideal of perfect breasts wasn't so abnormally large, why is plastic surgery so common? If we didn't all think ourselves ugly, why would we cover our faces with make up, and why would we dye our hair, and why would we pay so much to have our very face structure changed with surgery?
We are those weird, image-obsessed people.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Banned Book Week
John Green deserves an award of some sort. EVERY SINGLE ONE of his books is on the list this year. So I'm going to read all of them (for the second or fourth time). And then I'm going to go to the library and pick up as many banned books as I can get my hands on.
And after Banned Book Week, I'm going to go to Julian and get me some apple pie. Ahh, banned books and apple pie.
Life doesn't get better than this. :)
And after Banned Book Week, I'm going to go to Julian and get me some apple pie. Ahh, banned books and apple pie.
Life doesn't get better than this. :)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Um...?
So, today was a good day to get wasted.
I, unfortunately, did NOT get wasted.
Let me list the reasons why I really wanted to drink an entire handle of vodka today:
1. Matt was at the concert.
2. He brought his girlfriend who doesn't know I slept with him.
3. We were stuck in a tiny church and then a tiny condo together.
4. We were almost stuck in a tiny backstage area together.
5. The concert had been planned for months, and rehearsed for four days.
6. Jenelle and I memorized our duet piece about three hours before the performance.
7. I had to improvise notes on one of the group pieces because the first time I saw the music was yesterday.
8. I couldn't wear a bra with my dress.
9. I had to wait for Matt to leave the table to say hi to his mom because I actually like her.
10. I think I may have offended Alex. Either that, or he just didn't know what to say in response.
But, all in all, it wasn't a terrible day. Alcohol definitely would have helped. A lot.
I didn't talk to Matt. The most I did was nod or make noises/gestures. I did not say one word to him.
How fuckin' dedicated am I?! xD
I, unfortunately, did NOT get wasted.
Let me list the reasons why I really wanted to drink an entire handle of vodka today:
1. Matt was at the concert.
2. He brought his girlfriend who doesn't know I slept with him.
3. We were stuck in a tiny church and then a tiny condo together.
4. We were almost stuck in a tiny backstage area together.
5. The concert had been planned for months, and rehearsed for four days.
6. Jenelle and I memorized our duet piece about three hours before the performance.
7. I had to improvise notes on one of the group pieces because the first time I saw the music was yesterday.
8. I couldn't wear a bra with my dress.
9. I had to wait for Matt to leave the table to say hi to his mom because I actually like her.
10. I think I may have offended Alex. Either that, or he just didn't know what to say in response.
But, all in all, it wasn't a terrible day. Alcohol definitely would have helped. A lot.
I didn't talk to Matt. The most I did was nod or make noises/gestures. I did not say one word to him.
How fuckin' dedicated am I?! xD
Friday, September 25, 2009
Uh-Oh.
I like to keep my mom in the loop when it comes to my love life. Because otherwise, she'll bitch at me for being bitchy when it's not going well. So, of course, I told her about Alex. I told her just about everything, aside from the fact that we got drunk and kissed. Apparently I mentioned how much work my stomach does whenever I think about him.
I got home last night after a night of exploration and adventure, and she was sitting on the couch watching Glen Beck. I waited for a commercial break, then I told her how I'd told Alex I liked him and how he'd been super cute with his reply and how we both have a lot of crap to work through before anything can happen.
And then she looked at me and said, "Just so you know, the fact that your heart flutters when you're around him means you're over Matt. You have moved on and your attention is elsewhere."
Which means I don't have quite as much to get through as I originally thought.
BUT I do still need to do some things before I'm fully ready to be involved with anyone. I'm actually kinda proud of myself for slowing down like this and doing so many self-evaluations.
I've made a list of things to get done:
1. Talk to Matt.
2. Attempt not to castrate him.
3. Be sure Alex and I are compatible as friends first.
4. Get back into school mode, because missing three days was NOT good.
5. Write a song before Taylor Swift gets to it first and blows my mind again.
When I say 'talk to Matt,' I don't mean try and work things out between the two of us. I'm not going to subject myself to that again. I won't let him have that control over me anymore. I'm going to tell him that he fucked up and that he needs to leave me alone from now on. I'm not ready to forgive him, and I doubt if I ever will be. He lied to me. And that hurt worse than the actual heartbreak. I almost gave him everything and he lied to me.
I don't know how I'll tell him this yet. I'm not very good when it comes to speaking my feelings out loud. But I feel like sending him a message on facebook is tacky. Plus, he sent me a shit ton of facebook messages and it just made me mad. He could have at least tried.
I may write him a letter and hand it to him before the concert. That way it's personal and I don't actually have to speak.
Anyway, I feel like after I let Matt know that it's over and that he should stop trying to get my attention, I'll feel much better about life. Free, even. And then I can dedicate myself to being Alex's friend, even though I'll want to kiss him a lot. But I think just that feeling of longing will be enough to inspire a really great song. And I've got to write a song. Because every time I think about writing a song and give up on it, Taylor Swift freaking writes it for me. Gah.
Mayhaps if I write a song, I can play it for Alex and make him fall so in love with me that he'll HAVE to be my boyfriend...? :P I think it's worth trying.
I got home last night after a night of exploration and adventure, and she was sitting on the couch watching Glen Beck. I waited for a commercial break, then I told her how I'd told Alex I liked him and how he'd been super cute with his reply and how we both have a lot of crap to work through before anything can happen.
And then she looked at me and said, "Just so you know, the fact that your heart flutters when you're around him means you're over Matt. You have moved on and your attention is elsewhere."
Which means I don't have quite as much to get through as I originally thought.
BUT I do still need to do some things before I'm fully ready to be involved with anyone. I'm actually kinda proud of myself for slowing down like this and doing so many self-evaluations.
I've made a list of things to get done:
1. Talk to Matt.
2. Attempt not to castrate him.
3. Be sure Alex and I are compatible as friends first.
4. Get back into school mode, because missing three days was NOT good.
5. Write a song before Taylor Swift gets to it first and blows my mind again.
When I say 'talk to Matt,' I don't mean try and work things out between the two of us. I'm not going to subject myself to that again. I won't let him have that control over me anymore. I'm going to tell him that he fucked up and that he needs to leave me alone from now on. I'm not ready to forgive him, and I doubt if I ever will be. He lied to me. And that hurt worse than the actual heartbreak. I almost gave him everything and he lied to me.
I don't know how I'll tell him this yet. I'm not very good when it comes to speaking my feelings out loud. But I feel like sending him a message on facebook is tacky. Plus, he sent me a shit ton of facebook messages and it just made me mad. He could have at least tried.
I may write him a letter and hand it to him before the concert. That way it's personal and I don't actually have to speak.
Anyway, I feel like after I let Matt know that it's over and that he should stop trying to get my attention, I'll feel much better about life. Free, even. And then I can dedicate myself to being Alex's friend, even though I'll want to kiss him a lot. But I think just that feeling of longing will be enough to inspire a really great song. And I've got to write a song. Because every time I think about writing a song and give up on it, Taylor Swift freaking writes it for me. Gah.
Mayhaps if I write a song, I can play it for Alex and make him fall so in love with me that he'll HAVE to be my boyfriend...? :P I think it's worth trying.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Crickets
Has anyone ever committed suicide because of chirping crickets?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
This is a fail of a post. Sorry.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
This is a fail of a post. Sorry.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wishes
I guess one of my wishes was granted. I said that I wanted to be something with Alex, and I am something. I'm just not what I wanted to be. But that's okay with me. Because the potential is there. Someday, when both of us are ready, we can have something more than just friendship.
At first I was really disappointed that he said he wasn't actually able to be in a relationship. And then I thought about it and realized he wasn't going to do it because of me. Well, for me. He doesn't want me hurt, and I think that's why I'm okay with just being his friend.
He's seriously the best boy I've ever met. He's always been open and honest with me and he's...see-through. And because I can see through him, I know he's honest and that his intentions are pure. He's just all-around awesome. And adorable. And really, really sweet.
It takes a lot to find a guy like that. I thought I had found one, but I guess it's true what they say about love making you blind. I thought the sun shone out his ass, but I was very wrong. So now I can see my own faults when it comes to boys and now I'm more cautious because of it. But there's something about Alex that just makes me want to throw caution to the wind. And that scares me.
For the first time, I want to be passionate. I want to really throw all of myself into something. I want to be completely fearless and fall in love. I want the nervous flutters in my stomach to never go away when I think of him or look at him. I want this feeling to never end. I want to be able to talk about running away to Vegas to get married and not be afraid that he'll shy away from the idea. I want to write songs about him that will erase all the pain from the Spider Game songs.
I guess I kind of want to be Coco.
But I can't be yet. Because Alex has a lot of stuff to work through. And I guess I do too. I think it's time I talk to Matt. The sooner I do, the sooner I can get over everything we had, and the sooner I can move on and fully devote myself to the wild passion in me that's dying to get out.
At first I was really disappointed that he said he wasn't actually able to be in a relationship. And then I thought about it and realized he wasn't going to do it because of me. Well, for me. He doesn't want me hurt, and I think that's why I'm okay with just being his friend.
He's seriously the best boy I've ever met. He's always been open and honest with me and he's...see-through. And because I can see through him, I know he's honest and that his intentions are pure. He's just all-around awesome. And adorable. And really, really sweet.
It takes a lot to find a guy like that. I thought I had found one, but I guess it's true what they say about love making you blind. I thought the sun shone out his ass, but I was very wrong. So now I can see my own faults when it comes to boys and now I'm more cautious because of it. But there's something about Alex that just makes me want to throw caution to the wind. And that scares me.
For the first time, I want to be passionate. I want to really throw all of myself into something. I want to be completely fearless and fall in love. I want the nervous flutters in my stomach to never go away when I think of him or look at him. I want this feeling to never end. I want to be able to talk about running away to Vegas to get married and not be afraid that he'll shy away from the idea. I want to write songs about him that will erase all the pain from the Spider Game songs.
I guess I kind of want to be Coco.
But I can't be yet. Because Alex has a lot of stuff to work through. And I guess I do too. I think it's time I talk to Matt. The sooner I do, the sooner I can get over everything we had, and the sooner I can move on and fully devote myself to the wild passion in me that's dying to get out.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Love Blog: Also On Facebook
Going in chronological order here...
Jayne: Thanks for being my first best friend and playing so many ridiculous games with me. I can still remember the day we caught about fifty rolly pollies and named them all. :P We were so awesome back then. And you're still awesome now! I need to meet your baby girl! She's so cute and she's going to have some awesome adventures of her own. I expect to hear about the ones that sound a lot like ours. :)
Anne: You're seriously the most beautiful girl I know. And I mean inside and out. Like, when I didn't have any friends back in grade school because Emily had ditched me and Jayne had moved to Washington, you still hung out with me. That meant a lot more to me than I can tell you. The fact that you still hang out with me and share so many nerdy jokes with me is kind of amazing. Most girls with your talent and looks would forget about the nerdy best friend they had in grade school. But you're better than that. :) Thanks, love.
Lucy: The only reason I'm posting this is because of you, haha. But you did ask for a completely honest post, and I said I would only give the complete truth if someone asked for it. So here it is: I love you. You were the first real friend I made in high school and I am just overjoyed that we're still as tight as we are. I know we both grew away from each other, because I went chasing boys and you went chasing work, but at the end of the day, you're still one of my best friends and I will always cherish all the good times and laughs that we had together. And, you know, all the illegal things we did together. :P Oh, and mashed potato parties. Those were the best. lol.
Coco: I don't really remember what my first impression of you was, but I know I must have thought you were awesome because you were a drama kid and you got to hang out with all the cool kids (cool kids being the drama kids, of course). And then came choir. We didn't talk much in San Fran, but my senior year we did talk and we really got to know each other, and now I love you. :D Because I can show up at your house at any point of the day and still be offered coffee. And because we can listen to songs about zombies and start a new genre of zombie pop. And because you have always been honest with me, even at great personal risk. I never told you how much it meant to me that you risked everything to tell me the truth. But I think you probably guessed. :) I love you, beautiful, and I can't wait for you to come back so we can have more unplanned moments.
Jenelle: I already wrote to you in a blog, but now I have more to say. Along with not condemning me, you've also helped me get back on track by giving me advice and going shopping with me and just talking with me and being honest. Thanks for being girly and silly with me when I need it most. :) I promise I will do everything I can to help you when you need it. I promise to be here for you and to support you in everything you do. Just like you've done for me. Thank you.
Reesa: Sometimes, I want to strangle you. But most of the time, I don't. And I'm pretty sure the wanting to strangle you is all a part of being best friends and love and stuff. We get on each others nerves and we fight and we stop talking to each other and we make each other cry. But we always make up for it in laughter and love. And when one of us is crying because of something else, we always have each others back. Which is awesome. And when boys are stupid or cute or both at once, it's always nice to know that we can rant to each other and solve the problem by going gay for each other. ;D
Elisabeth: Remember the first day we met each other? I dragged you out of the dorm and into my car so we could go to Giant. And then we ended up buying fifty cent bouncy balls in preparation for future roomie fights. But we never fought and you ended up being like a sister to me. After hearing and seeing so many fall-outs between roommates last year, what we had was probably magical. I'm so sorry I'm not there this year. When you told me you had set up the room the way I'd wanted it, I cried. I wish I was there so badly. Fatty #1 is nothing without her Fatty #2. :(
Stepf: Wifey! I can't believe how long it took for us to become friends. Seriously. What was wrong with us? Anyway, it doesn't matter now since we're married and stuff. :P But, yeah, I just want to say thank you and that I love you. You're always here for me when I need help or advice or just someone to talk to. Even if it's 4 AM your time. I can only hope that I can do the same for you whenever you need it. :)
Nick: You're an ass, but I still love you because you make me laugh and you help me widen my perspective on life by having random philosophical conversations with me. You're also the first real guy best friend I ever made after Matt, and it's nice to have someone I can go to when I'm confused about the inner workings of boys. I miss you and I miss having random adventures with you around Etown. :(
Arslan: I'll start out by telling you that I love you in a completely non-romantic way. :P I know we weren't completely open with each other when I was back there, but I've always had a problem being really honest and close with guys. But we did have some really deep conversations during the school year and we've had a few over the summer, too. For the record, I could NEVER hate you for being honest with me. If anything, when you tell me the whole truth, I love you more for it. It gives you more character, and more character means there's more to love. :)
Sedrick: I know you don't remember the night you asked me to marry you, but I do, and it was probably the most epic proposal in the world. :D Thanks for being my black husband and making me laugh and asking me to marry you. I miss you, sweetheart.
Nicole: I am so glad I got to know you better second semester. The Madlib Summer would have never existed if we hadn't been friends, and OMLS has been the highlight of my year. You always have good advice when I need it and you're always up for a ridiculous story. Thanks for letting me rant and bitch and get everything off my chest. Oh, and thanks for breakfast. :P <3
Rachel: You are just so awesome. Remember that one time at, like, 2 in the morning when I was trying to do laundry and you said something about going out in the snow in a bikini? Do you remember that one time when we actually did it? XD I love that you can come up with the craziest ideas and then follow through with them. Thanks for making a fool of yourself in a bikini in the snow for me. :))) And thanks for doing the OMLS project with me. I don't know if I could make it through this next school year without weekly contact between us all. <3
Lauren: I still fangirl occasionally when you do stuff like show up in Nicole's vlog or follow my blog. :P I'm really glad you didn't think I was a freak for showing up out of the blue and accosting you during lunch, because otherwise our random trip to Philly to meet a boy from London would have never happened, and we wouldn't have gone to see Hank and John in Lancaster together, and we wouldn't have been friends. And I love being your friend. It makes me feel all special. (And the inner fangirl in me feels super important.) Thanks for being awesome! :)
Jayne: Thanks for being my first best friend and playing so many ridiculous games with me. I can still remember the day we caught about fifty rolly pollies and named them all. :P We were so awesome back then. And you're still awesome now! I need to meet your baby girl! She's so cute and she's going to have some awesome adventures of her own. I expect to hear about the ones that sound a lot like ours. :)
Anne: You're seriously the most beautiful girl I know. And I mean inside and out. Like, when I didn't have any friends back in grade school because Emily had ditched me and Jayne had moved to Washington, you still hung out with me. That meant a lot more to me than I can tell you. The fact that you still hang out with me and share so many nerdy jokes with me is kind of amazing. Most girls with your talent and looks would forget about the nerdy best friend they had in grade school. But you're better than that. :) Thanks, love.
Lucy: The only reason I'm posting this is because of you, haha. But you did ask for a completely honest post, and I said I would only give the complete truth if someone asked for it. So here it is: I love you. You were the first real friend I made in high school and I am just overjoyed that we're still as tight as we are. I know we both grew away from each other, because I went chasing boys and you went chasing work, but at the end of the day, you're still one of my best friends and I will always cherish all the good times and laughs that we had together. And, you know, all the illegal things we did together. :P Oh, and mashed potato parties. Those were the best. lol.
Coco: I don't really remember what my first impression of you was, but I know I must have thought you were awesome because you were a drama kid and you got to hang out with all the cool kids (cool kids being the drama kids, of course). And then came choir. We didn't talk much in San Fran, but my senior year we did talk and we really got to know each other, and now I love you. :D Because I can show up at your house at any point of the day and still be offered coffee. And because we can listen to songs about zombies and start a new genre of zombie pop. And because you have always been honest with me, even at great personal risk. I never told you how much it meant to me that you risked everything to tell me the truth. But I think you probably guessed. :) I love you, beautiful, and I can't wait for you to come back so we can have more unplanned moments.
Jenelle: I already wrote to you in a blog, but now I have more to say. Along with not condemning me, you've also helped me get back on track by giving me advice and going shopping with me and just talking with me and being honest. Thanks for being girly and silly with me when I need it most. :) I promise I will do everything I can to help you when you need it. I promise to be here for you and to support you in everything you do. Just like you've done for me. Thank you.
Reesa: Sometimes, I want to strangle you. But most of the time, I don't. And I'm pretty sure the wanting to strangle you is all a part of being best friends and love and stuff. We get on each others nerves and we fight and we stop talking to each other and we make each other cry. But we always make up for it in laughter and love. And when one of us is crying because of something else, we always have each others back. Which is awesome. And when boys are stupid or cute or both at once, it's always nice to know that we can rant to each other and solve the problem by going gay for each other. ;D
Elisabeth: Remember the first day we met each other? I dragged you out of the dorm and into my car so we could go to Giant. And then we ended up buying fifty cent bouncy balls in preparation for future roomie fights. But we never fought and you ended up being like a sister to me. After hearing and seeing so many fall-outs between roommates last year, what we had was probably magical. I'm so sorry I'm not there this year. When you told me you had set up the room the way I'd wanted it, I cried. I wish I was there so badly. Fatty #1 is nothing without her Fatty #2. :(
Stepf: Wifey! I can't believe how long it took for us to become friends. Seriously. What was wrong with us? Anyway, it doesn't matter now since we're married and stuff. :P But, yeah, I just want to say thank you and that I love you. You're always here for me when I need help or advice or just someone to talk to. Even if it's 4 AM your time. I can only hope that I can do the same for you whenever you need it. :)
Nick: You're an ass, but I still love you because you make me laugh and you help me widen my perspective on life by having random philosophical conversations with me. You're also the first real guy best friend I ever made after Matt, and it's nice to have someone I can go to when I'm confused about the inner workings of boys. I miss you and I miss having random adventures with you around Etown. :(
Arslan: I'll start out by telling you that I love you in a completely non-romantic way. :P I know we weren't completely open with each other when I was back there, but I've always had a problem being really honest and close with guys. But we did have some really deep conversations during the school year and we've had a few over the summer, too. For the record, I could NEVER hate you for being honest with me. If anything, when you tell me the whole truth, I love you more for it. It gives you more character, and more character means there's more to love. :)
Sedrick: I know you don't remember the night you asked me to marry you, but I do, and it was probably the most epic proposal in the world. :D Thanks for being my black husband and making me laugh and asking me to marry you. I miss you, sweetheart.
Nicole: I am so glad I got to know you better second semester. The Madlib Summer would have never existed if we hadn't been friends, and OMLS has been the highlight of my year. You always have good advice when I need it and you're always up for a ridiculous story. Thanks for letting me rant and bitch and get everything off my chest. Oh, and thanks for breakfast. :P <3
Rachel: You are just so awesome. Remember that one time at, like, 2 in the morning when I was trying to do laundry and you said something about going out in the snow in a bikini? Do you remember that one time when we actually did it? XD I love that you can come up with the craziest ideas and then follow through with them. Thanks for making a fool of yourself in a bikini in the snow for me. :))) And thanks for doing the OMLS project with me. I don't know if I could make it through this next school year without weekly contact between us all. <3
Lauren: I still fangirl occasionally when you do stuff like show up in Nicole's vlog or follow my blog. :P I'm really glad you didn't think I was a freak for showing up out of the blue and accosting you during lunch, because otherwise our random trip to Philly to meet a boy from London would have never happened, and we wouldn't have gone to see Hank and John in Lancaster together, and we wouldn't have been friends. And I love being your friend. It makes me feel all special. (And the inner fangirl in me feels super important.) Thanks for being awesome! :)
Monday, September 21, 2009
Saturday Night Recap
I'm actually going to start with Friday.
Nelle made a comment about Mike's nose that I had to tell Alex. So I broke my vow and opened the line of conversation again. Because I had to. It was hilarious. But then the one little comment became a humongous conversation. He told me about how his night was going, including all the super gay parts, and I told him about the old man midget who was singing to us in the bowling alley. At some point, he made mention to unplanned nights and how they're always the best because they're unplanned. And I started missing my unplanned moments crew. We had so much fun. So much unplanned fun. So I told him how all the people I had unplanned nights with had moved away. And he said we should have unplanned nights. But then he followed it up with the fact that planning unplanned nights is a catch 22. I told him it would be okay if we had planned get togethers and did unplanned things. He responded with a smiley face and said, "I like."
Now comes Saturday.
I went super girly on everyone's ass. I went and bought boots just so I had something to match my outfit. I ended up looking like Taylor Swift, which is totally cool with me.
Before Alex's improv group went on stage, I was kind of freaking out. The girls behind us in the audience somehow got involved. And for the rest of the night, one of the girls (Ashley) was giving me advice. So, after the Stage Monkeys finished their set, and after ROAR did their rendition of Over the Top, Ashley told me to go find Alex because he'd been sneaking glances at me throughout the entire show. I only noticed this a couple times, but they were able to pay more attention to it than I was. So I went to find him and he gave me this super awesome hug. I told him the show was awesome and he did his usual, "Stop it." And then he had to go talk to someone.
This is where it started getting awkward.
For some reason, for the rest of the night, we weren't fully comfortable around each other. Like, I kept drifting to other places at the after party, and he would eventually follow me, but he never got close. At one point, I was sitting on the stairs and he sat with me and we talked a little bit, but that was it. And if he passed me, he would also touch my arm or back. Which was sweet. But nothing really happened until I had to leave. And that was when he gave me a personal hug.
There's a huge difference between a friendly hug and a personal hug. I give away friendly hugs all the time. But personal hugs are hard to come by. When you get a personal hug, you know it's just for YOU. And it's the best feeling in the world to get one.
So why did nothing happen (and why is nothing STILL happening) after that hug? What did it mean? Does he like me, or is he just thinking I'm a friend? Does he think I'm worth it, like I think he's worth it? Does he know how scared I am?
Most of all, do I ask him out on a planned night of unplanned adventures, or do I wait for him to ask me?
I'm making myself physically ill over this. Something needs to happen SOON. I can't just keep hanging by a thread like this.
A Lifehouse song comes to mind...
Nelle made a comment about Mike's nose that I had to tell Alex. So I broke my vow and opened the line of conversation again. Because I had to. It was hilarious. But then the one little comment became a humongous conversation. He told me about how his night was going, including all the super gay parts, and I told him about the old man midget who was singing to us in the bowling alley. At some point, he made mention to unplanned nights and how they're always the best because they're unplanned. And I started missing my unplanned moments crew. We had so much fun. So much unplanned fun. So I told him how all the people I had unplanned nights with had moved away. And he said we should have unplanned nights. But then he followed it up with the fact that planning unplanned nights is a catch 22. I told him it would be okay if we had planned get togethers and did unplanned things. He responded with a smiley face and said, "I like."
Now comes Saturday.
I went super girly on everyone's ass. I went and bought boots just so I had something to match my outfit. I ended up looking like Taylor Swift, which is totally cool with me.
Before Alex's improv group went on stage, I was kind of freaking out. The girls behind us in the audience somehow got involved. And for the rest of the night, one of the girls (Ashley) was giving me advice. So, after the Stage Monkeys finished their set, and after ROAR did their rendition of Over the Top, Ashley told me to go find Alex because he'd been sneaking glances at me throughout the entire show. I only noticed this a couple times, but they were able to pay more attention to it than I was. So I went to find him and he gave me this super awesome hug. I told him the show was awesome and he did his usual, "Stop it." And then he had to go talk to someone.
This is where it started getting awkward.
For some reason, for the rest of the night, we weren't fully comfortable around each other. Like, I kept drifting to other places at the after party, and he would eventually follow me, but he never got close. At one point, I was sitting on the stairs and he sat with me and we talked a little bit, but that was it. And if he passed me, he would also touch my arm or back. Which was sweet. But nothing really happened until I had to leave. And that was when he gave me a personal hug.
There's a huge difference between a friendly hug and a personal hug. I give away friendly hugs all the time. But personal hugs are hard to come by. When you get a personal hug, you know it's just for YOU. And it's the best feeling in the world to get one.
So why did nothing happen (and why is nothing STILL happening) after that hug? What did it mean? Does he like me, or is he just thinking I'm a friend? Does he think I'm worth it, like I think he's worth it? Does he know how scared I am?
Most of all, do I ask him out on a planned night of unplanned adventures, or do I wait for him to ask me?
I'm making myself physically ill over this. Something needs to happen SOON. I can't just keep hanging by a thread like this.
A Lifehouse song comes to mind...
Honesty for Honesty's Sake
I'm not sure if I'm sick or nervous. I wrote a poem yesterday and posted it on facebook. I don't know if Alex read it, but it's for him. And I'm too scared to tag him so he knows it's for him. But I've been feeling unwell all morning. And I still feel terrible. I think it's more than just nerves and fear of annoying him or chasing him off.
I can't miss work. We want the next release to be the last and I promised Siggy I would be in every day, working my ass off to finish testing. I was an hour late today because of my vlog taking forever to upload (and with YouTube being so temperamental with my videos, I didn't wanna push it by changing locations before it could finish uploading), but I'm here now and only have one unit to work with. My other one went missing, so I'm not working as much I hoped to. And, of course, I have to leave early to get to Anna's for rehearsal.
Truth be told, I almost didn't even come into work today because of my stomach. Do you think too many nervous flutters can cause severe stomachaches?
I seriously have trapeze stunts going on every few seconds in my stomach. I think about him, and it flips. I wonder if he's read the poem, and it does a friggin' cartwheel. When my phone goes off, the entire circus joins in.
I don't know the last time I felt this way. Probably with Brandon in senior year. Maybe at the very beginning. But even after that, I was back to normal and completely comfortable.
Which leads me to believe that I'm more scared than nervous. I'm scared that I'll screw up again. After what I went through with Matt, I really don't want to do that again. So I'm being extra cautious and I'm asking everyone for advice because I don't know what to do anymore. I used to know. I used to be able to keep them all guessing and wrap them around my little finger. And then Matt unraveled, so to speak. And when he unraveled, I...lost it. My confidence.
How sad is that? My confidence rested upon one little friendship. One little love. My first love.
And because of that, I've done things I never wanted to do. I've given myself a bad reputation. I've gotten drunk and I've hooked up with random people under the influence. That isn't me. That's never been me. So why does one person get to dictate how I'll act and react after he broke my heart? Why does he get that control?
He doesn't.
But I'm still scared to death to do something wrong again. I'm scared I'll put too much effort into another boy and have it all be for nothing. I'm scared to feel that pain again. It's not a physical pain, either. It's like the pain you get in your stomach right before you throw up. Because all you can do is think about it. And when you think about it, you get sick. And when you realize how pathetic and effed up it is, you start to cry. Eventually you fall asleep just escape it all, but it's back the next night.
But there's always the option that I'm just really nervous because he's worth it. He might actually be worth the effort.
It's so weird. I was thinking about it this morning after my shower. When I think of Alex, I think of kissing and laughing and numb teeth. I don't think of sex. I don't think of it because I don't want it. When I thought of Matt and Mike, I wanted it. Because I knew they weren't virgins. But I know Alex is a virgin. And I hold virginity in very high respect. I think to be 21 and still a virgin is absolutely awesome. So, subconsciously, when I first found out he had never had sex, I decided I didn't want to ruin that for him. I firmly believe you should be in love with the person you lose it to. So unless he happens to be in love with me (and I KNOW it), he's not going to get any. And I'm perfectly happy with that.
I can't miss work. We want the next release to be the last and I promised Siggy I would be in every day, working my ass off to finish testing. I was an hour late today because of my vlog taking forever to upload (and with YouTube being so temperamental with my videos, I didn't wanna push it by changing locations before it could finish uploading), but I'm here now and only have one unit to work with. My other one went missing, so I'm not working as much I hoped to. And, of course, I have to leave early to get to Anna's for rehearsal.
Truth be told, I almost didn't even come into work today because of my stomach. Do you think too many nervous flutters can cause severe stomachaches?
I seriously have trapeze stunts going on every few seconds in my stomach. I think about him, and it flips. I wonder if he's read the poem, and it does a friggin' cartwheel. When my phone goes off, the entire circus joins in.
I don't know the last time I felt this way. Probably with Brandon in senior year. Maybe at the very beginning. But even after that, I was back to normal and completely comfortable.
Which leads me to believe that I'm more scared than nervous. I'm scared that I'll screw up again. After what I went through with Matt, I really don't want to do that again. So I'm being extra cautious and I'm asking everyone for advice because I don't know what to do anymore. I used to know. I used to be able to keep them all guessing and wrap them around my little finger. And then Matt unraveled, so to speak. And when he unraveled, I...lost it. My confidence.
How sad is that? My confidence rested upon one little friendship. One little love. My first love.
And because of that, I've done things I never wanted to do. I've given myself a bad reputation. I've gotten drunk and I've hooked up with random people under the influence. That isn't me. That's never been me. So why does one person get to dictate how I'll act and react after he broke my heart? Why does he get that control?
He doesn't.
But I'm still scared to death to do something wrong again. I'm scared I'll put too much effort into another boy and have it all be for nothing. I'm scared to feel that pain again. It's not a physical pain, either. It's like the pain you get in your stomach right before you throw up. Because all you can do is think about it. And when you think about it, you get sick. And when you realize how pathetic and effed up it is, you start to cry. Eventually you fall asleep just escape it all, but it's back the next night.
But there's always the option that I'm just really nervous because he's worth it. He might actually be worth the effort.
It's so weird. I was thinking about it this morning after my shower. When I think of Alex, I think of kissing and laughing and numb teeth. I don't think of sex. I don't think of it because I don't want it. When I thought of Matt and Mike, I wanted it. Because I knew they weren't virgins. But I know Alex is a virgin. And I hold virginity in very high respect. I think to be 21 and still a virgin is absolutely awesome. So, subconsciously, when I first found out he had never had sex, I decided I didn't want to ruin that for him. I firmly believe you should be in love with the person you lose it to. So unless he happens to be in love with me (and I KNOW it), he's not going to get any. And I'm perfectly happy with that.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Complete/Brutal Honesty Week
Starting early because I need to say these things NOW.
Matt, fuck off. I'm done. The correct approach is to not approach at all. I swear to God, I would fatally injure you right now. Don't talk to me. Don't send me texts or messages. Listen to everyone giving you advice and just leave me alone.
Taylor, stop trying to get in touch with me. I'm not going to screw around with you because you're a douche and a manwhore. You don't deserve a girl like me.
Kyle, I'm sorry, but you're my brother. I'm not going to screw around with you. Find someone else to be your fuck toy. I still love you, but it's not going to happen, and the more you ask, the more annoyed I get.
Alex, please talk to me. I have never believed any boy more than you when you said I was beautiful. I'm going to see you tomorrow and I want something to happen. I don't care what, but I know I want to be important to you. I want to mean something to you. We can be friends, or whatever, but I want to take up some room in your mind. I'm not going to force it, though. It's all on you now.
Claire, who the flying fuck are you to tell me my opinions are wrong? It's because of people like you that I hate living here. If I say one thing even slightly conservative, I'm argued with and called a republican. FUCK OFF. I'm a moderate, dumbasses. I'm registered independent. No, I don't approve of killing unborn babies. No, I don't approve of killing old people. Yes, I approve of capitol punishment. Yes, I approve of gun laws. Just because I believe these things does NOT make me a conservative republican. There are always TWO SIDES to each argument, and I can see both for all of them. I happen to sway more to the right when it comes to them. Aside from that, GET OUT OF THE PARTISAN THINKING. It's not helping anybody. We are UNITED. So stop pulling away from the country by distancing yourself from someone who might not have the same ideas as you. We're all Americans and we're all going down the shit hole right now. So go bash your head into a wall until you can think like an American. And while you're at it, get off your lazy ass and get a job. I'm tired of arguing with someone who does nothing all day while I'm out every day getting an education and working full time.
Jenelle, thank you for not seeing me as a whore or a man-stealing hussy. I was afraid I was going to lose you over the recent boy issues, but you didn't condemn me and I owe you a lot for that. :) And until Claire tells me to my face that she liked Alex before I did, I'm going to keep pursuing him.
Mike, it was a onetime thing. I'm over it. I've had my revenge. And you turned out to be kinda creepy.
My Madlib Girls, you two are made of so much awesome. Thank you so much for making my summer even more memorable. I know I really go to know Nicole over the summer, and she's helped me through a lot of tough times. Whenever I needed to rant, she would let me and then give me really great advice. I can only hope I did the same for her. :) Rachel, I know I didn't get to know you quite as well as Nicole, but you and I were closer at the end of the school year than Nicole and I were, so...I think it's all pretty even now. :))) Love all around for you two.
That's all for now. At least, that's all that's been bothering me for the past couple days.
Just wait until next week. I'm so excited.
Matt, fuck off. I'm done. The correct approach is to not approach at all. I swear to God, I would fatally injure you right now. Don't talk to me. Don't send me texts or messages. Listen to everyone giving you advice and just leave me alone.
Taylor, stop trying to get in touch with me. I'm not going to screw around with you because you're a douche and a manwhore. You don't deserve a girl like me.
Kyle, I'm sorry, but you're my brother. I'm not going to screw around with you. Find someone else to be your fuck toy. I still love you, but it's not going to happen, and the more you ask, the more annoyed I get.
Alex, please talk to me. I have never believed any boy more than you when you said I was beautiful. I'm going to see you tomorrow and I want something to happen. I don't care what, but I know I want to be important to you. I want to mean something to you. We can be friends, or whatever, but I want to take up some room in your mind. I'm not going to force it, though. It's all on you now.
Claire, who the flying fuck are you to tell me my opinions are wrong? It's because of people like you that I hate living here. If I say one thing even slightly conservative, I'm argued with and called a republican. FUCK OFF. I'm a moderate, dumbasses. I'm registered independent. No, I don't approve of killing unborn babies. No, I don't approve of killing old people. Yes, I approve of capitol punishment. Yes, I approve of gun laws. Just because I believe these things does NOT make me a conservative republican. There are always TWO SIDES to each argument, and I can see both for all of them. I happen to sway more to the right when it comes to them. Aside from that, GET OUT OF THE PARTISAN THINKING. It's not helping anybody. We are UNITED. So stop pulling away from the country by distancing yourself from someone who might not have the same ideas as you. We're all Americans and we're all going down the shit hole right now. So go bash your head into a wall until you can think like an American. And while you're at it, get off your lazy ass and get a job. I'm tired of arguing with someone who does nothing all day while I'm out every day getting an education and working full time.
Jenelle, thank you for not seeing me as a whore or a man-stealing hussy. I was afraid I was going to lose you over the recent boy issues, but you didn't condemn me and I owe you a lot for that. :) And until Claire tells me to my face that she liked Alex before I did, I'm going to keep pursuing him.
Mike, it was a onetime thing. I'm over it. I've had my revenge. And you turned out to be kinda creepy.
My Madlib Girls, you two are made of so much awesome. Thank you so much for making my summer even more memorable. I know I really go to know Nicole over the summer, and she's helped me through a lot of tough times. Whenever I needed to rant, she would let me and then give me really great advice. I can only hope I did the same for her. :) Rachel, I know I didn't get to know you quite as well as Nicole, but you and I were closer at the end of the school year than Nicole and I were, so...I think it's all pretty even now. :))) Love all around for you two.
That's all for now. At least, that's all that's been bothering me for the past couple days.
Just wait until next week. I'm so excited.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Flashing Back to Preschool
Grab your popcorn. It's story time and it's a long 'un.
It all started sometime last month when I went to a party after an improv show (there was a vlog made from it of us in the car on the way there. I mentioned drinking an espresso in it). After some...um...beverages, Jenelle and I went outside to sit. Boys followed us out because we're just that hot. Or something. In this group was Jason (Asian), Mike (rebound man), Alex (gorgeous Mr. Right), and a few others that don't deserve mentioning. After a while, the three aforementioned boys decided they needed to coach Jenelle and me in how to be sexy using our hair, lips, and facial expressions (keep in mind that they were all drunk, so this was hysterical in person). At some point, I hooked up with rebound man, who was an excellent rebound and also a mistake (yayyyyyyy life lessons!).
Fast forward to last weekend. Jenelle's house sitting for her sister who says it's fine if we have people over and alcoholic beverages. It just so happens that the founders of the improv troupe live in the same apartment complex and THEY'RE having a party, too. Nelle and I drink Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade to support breast cancer research and stuff, and we join the other party in the founders' garage. Introduce the game of kick ball.
Five of us, Jenelle, Claire, Alex, Mike, and me, start kicking a kick ball around while drinking. (There's a lot of drinking in this story...sorry.) Fireworks start at SeaWorld. We all sing Queen, Bon Jovi, America the Beautiful, and Journey. In harmony. And then clank bottles and red cups in celebration of our on-coming drunkenness. The police roll on up. Those of us that are underage decide it's a good idea to go back to Nelle's to watch the Mighty Boosh. Mike, Alex, Jason, Andrew (Gothy Man), Kalah (awesome chick), and a guy named Chris (funniest nonprofessional comedian I know) come with us. Jenelle gets wasted. Jenelle makes Alex and me a drink to share because we both know we can't handle one drink each. Mike tries to hit on me while I'm hitting on Alex.
That's about when our teeth started feeling funny (me and Alex). It felt like a local anesthetic in our mouths. We giggle about this. We drink some more and Alex finishes our drink without offering me any. We are both quite drunk now. He does something adorable. I tell him so. He tells me to stop and says I'm beautiful.
I decide it's way too hot inside the apartment and go outside. Jenelle, Alex, and Jason follow me. Jason is drunker than all three of us. He wants us to meditate. Because he's Asian. So we get into group hug formation. Going clockwise, it's Jason, Jenelle, Me, Alex. (It should be noted that Jason and Nelle went on a date the weekend before this.) Jason tells us to close our eyes and imagine a bright ball of white light in between us. Alex and I start giggling. Jason gets mad and tries again. This is the conversation that ensued:
"Karaline, are you seeing it?"
"Yup."
"Alex?"
"Yeah, it's Jesus."
"*gigglesnort*"
"...We're gonna keep going."
That was when I felt Alex's lips on my cheek. So, of course, I turned my head toward him so he could kiss me in the right place. And that kept on happening because it was cute and sweet and really nice feeling.
Sometime after this, Andrew joins us and we all try to get Jenelle and Jason to make out. Jason passes out on the steps and asks for a blanket. Eventually, we get him back inside by telling him there's a giant bowl of guacamole for him. (Don't ask.) He passes out on the couch inside. Alex and I decide we're thirsty for water. We get some. Jenelle and I think it will be fun to freak everyone out, so we go into the bedroom and make sex noises really loudly. Then we give ourselves sex hair. When we go back out, we realize that no one cared because Knocked Up was on TV.
So we go to the kitchen to get vodka. Alex comes with us. We fix our hair and Alex asks adorable questions about Nelle's date with Jason. We all end up sitting on the kitchen floor drinking from the Smirnoff bottle and from a glass of water. We're just talking, but I don't really remember what the conversation is about. It wasn't that important.
By midnight, everyone's sitting on the kitchen floor playing Never Have I Ever and sobering up because we somehow drank $40 worth of alcohol in three hours. Mike is the drunkest of us all and is groping Nelle because her boobs are ginormous. She feels awkward and he just doesn't even know what he's doing.
Chris leaves. Mike goes outside with Jason and Andrew to puke his guts out. The rest of us stay inside because Alex, Nelle, and I have extremely weak stomachs and can't hear/see/smell puke without puking. Claire is locked in the bedroom because she's annoyed with us. (Stupid sober person.) We all sit on the couch. Alex and I attempt to fall asleep because being drunk makes us sleepy. It doesn't work because everyone's talking and making really funny jokes.
Kalah says she can take Mike home, but she doesn't want him to puke in her car. We consider letting him sleep in his car so he can puke all over his own stuff. He eventually crashes on the loveseat. The rest of us, except Claire, go outside and talk until 4 AM. Kalah leaves.
Around 5, Claire has enough and decides to have Andrew take her home. Alex plans on staying, but then he realizes he would have to stay in the living room with Pukey McPukeface (actual name we used for him) and goes with Claire and Andrew.
Jenelle and I finally get to bed around 5:30. Mike wakes us up at friggin' 9 AM to tell us he's leaving. He makes awkward statements about Kalah. Nelle gets him to leave. We go back to sleep until 1 PM. I stay and watch two movies and help her clean the apartment. I leave around 8, right as Alex is texting me to tell me he had a lot of fun.
A two and a half hour conversation about organized religion, politics, and school ensues.
Tuesday:
Alex had mentioned an improv show he was going to be in. I opened up the line of conversation by asking where it was and how much it cost to get in. I also asked him if I skipped choir to see his show, would he come to see me sing in a benefit concert. He, regrettably, informed me that he's going to be in LA the weekend of the concert. He also said going to class was probably more important, but I lied and said choir was canceled so he wouldn't feel bad when I showed up. :P
Jenelle and I decided to go to the show together because Alex was in it and Jason was going to be there. Claire also decided to come with us so she wouldn't be bored.
I nearly killed us getting to Downtown San Diego. It was great fun.
We got there, only to find that Mike was sitting with Jason. The dude just won't go away or get the hint. But the show was fantastic and Chris and Alex were the two funniest people in it. Mainly because they're not afraid to act like total weirdos for the sake of comedy.
Note: The show was a graduation show for the eight actors who managed to make it through all three levels of improv class. They were split into two teams. Chris and Alex were on the same team. The two teams competed, with improv games, for the most applause and laughter.
Alex's team won the competition. And when the score was announced, Alex, in his falsetto voice said, "That's US!" and screamed like a girl.
Jenelle and Claire both patted my leg at that point.
Anywho, the show ends, so we go outside for a meet and greet with the actors. We're all giving high fives down the line. I get to Alex and raise my hand for a high five. And he hugs me instead. And then he says, "You came!"
It was so cute.
Jenelle, Claire, and I go down to the sidewalk to figure out where to go to eat. Mike comes up to us and makes awkward jokes. We start talking about a really hot guy. He leaves. Then Alex comes jogging down to us and gives us all hugs and asks what we thought. We give him a thorough review of the show (consisting of, "It was awesome!" "You sucked." "Eh. I'm gonna be the happy medium. It didn't suck, but it wasn't great.")(Jenelle and Claire were joking. You can guess which sentence I said...haha.). We talk about this coming Saturday and make plans to all be at the party after the improv show. Then he has to leave to clean up the theater.
And now, since I opened up the line of conversation both Monday and Tuesday, I'm waiting for him to start talking to me. I will wait as long as I have to for him to notice that I've been silent.
It always works. :P
And that's the story so far. I'm sure there are little details I forgot. Like, you know, me randomly sticking my hand in his back pocket because he has a great ass. And renaming him Quentin because he looks more like a Quentin than an Alex. But those details aren't that important and, honestly, I can't really remember when they happened exactly. :D
In retrospect, this post is not very well named. I dunno about you guys, but I never got drunk and hooked up with random boys in preschool. Hahahahahah.
I love being reillusioned. :)))
It all started sometime last month when I went to a party after an improv show (there was a vlog made from it of us in the car on the way there. I mentioned drinking an espresso in it). After some...um...beverages, Jenelle and I went outside to sit. Boys followed us out because we're just that hot. Or something. In this group was Jason (Asian), Mike (rebound man), Alex (gorgeous Mr. Right), and a few others that don't deserve mentioning. After a while, the three aforementioned boys decided they needed to coach Jenelle and me in how to be sexy using our hair, lips, and facial expressions (keep in mind that they were all drunk, so this was hysterical in person). At some point, I hooked up with rebound man, who was an excellent rebound and also a mistake (yayyyyyyy life lessons!).
Fast forward to last weekend. Jenelle's house sitting for her sister who says it's fine if we have people over and alcoholic beverages. It just so happens that the founders of the improv troupe live in the same apartment complex and THEY'RE having a party, too. Nelle and I drink Mike's Hard Pink Lemonade to support breast cancer research and stuff, and we join the other party in the founders' garage. Introduce the game of kick ball.
Five of us, Jenelle, Claire, Alex, Mike, and me, start kicking a kick ball around while drinking. (There's a lot of drinking in this story...sorry.) Fireworks start at SeaWorld. We all sing Queen, Bon Jovi, America the Beautiful, and Journey. In harmony. And then clank bottles and red cups in celebration of our on-coming drunkenness. The police roll on up. Those of us that are underage decide it's a good idea to go back to Nelle's to watch the Mighty Boosh. Mike, Alex, Jason, Andrew (Gothy Man), Kalah (awesome chick), and a guy named Chris (funniest nonprofessional comedian I know) come with us. Jenelle gets wasted. Jenelle makes Alex and me a drink to share because we both know we can't handle one drink each. Mike tries to hit on me while I'm hitting on Alex.
That's about when our teeth started feeling funny (me and Alex). It felt like a local anesthetic in our mouths. We giggle about this. We drink some more and Alex finishes our drink without offering me any. We are both quite drunk now. He does something adorable. I tell him so. He tells me to stop and says I'm beautiful.
I decide it's way too hot inside the apartment and go outside. Jenelle, Alex, and Jason follow me. Jason is drunker than all three of us. He wants us to meditate. Because he's Asian. So we get into group hug formation. Going clockwise, it's Jason, Jenelle, Me, Alex. (It should be noted that Jason and Nelle went on a date the weekend before this.) Jason tells us to close our eyes and imagine a bright ball of white light in between us. Alex and I start giggling. Jason gets mad and tries again. This is the conversation that ensued:
"Karaline, are you seeing it?"
"Yup."
"Alex?"
"Yeah, it's Jesus."
"*gigglesnort*"
"...We're gonna keep going."
That was when I felt Alex's lips on my cheek. So, of course, I turned my head toward him so he could kiss me in the right place. And that kept on happening because it was cute and sweet and really nice feeling.
Sometime after this, Andrew joins us and we all try to get Jenelle and Jason to make out. Jason passes out on the steps and asks for a blanket. Eventually, we get him back inside by telling him there's a giant bowl of guacamole for him. (Don't ask.) He passes out on the couch inside. Alex and I decide we're thirsty for water. We get some. Jenelle and I think it will be fun to freak everyone out, so we go into the bedroom and make sex noises really loudly. Then we give ourselves sex hair. When we go back out, we realize that no one cared because Knocked Up was on TV.
So we go to the kitchen to get vodka. Alex comes with us. We fix our hair and Alex asks adorable questions about Nelle's date with Jason. We all end up sitting on the kitchen floor drinking from the Smirnoff bottle and from a glass of water. We're just talking, but I don't really remember what the conversation is about. It wasn't that important.
By midnight, everyone's sitting on the kitchen floor playing Never Have I Ever and sobering up because we somehow drank $40 worth of alcohol in three hours. Mike is the drunkest of us all and is groping Nelle because her boobs are ginormous. She feels awkward and he just doesn't even know what he's doing.
Chris leaves. Mike goes outside with Jason and Andrew to puke his guts out. The rest of us stay inside because Alex, Nelle, and I have extremely weak stomachs and can't hear/see/smell puke without puking. Claire is locked in the bedroom because she's annoyed with us. (Stupid sober person.) We all sit on the couch. Alex and I attempt to fall asleep because being drunk makes us sleepy. It doesn't work because everyone's talking and making really funny jokes.
Kalah says she can take Mike home, but she doesn't want him to puke in her car. We consider letting him sleep in his car so he can puke all over his own stuff. He eventually crashes on the loveseat. The rest of us, except Claire, go outside and talk until 4 AM. Kalah leaves.
Around 5, Claire has enough and decides to have Andrew take her home. Alex plans on staying, but then he realizes he would have to stay in the living room with Pukey McPukeface (actual name we used for him) and goes with Claire and Andrew.
Jenelle and I finally get to bed around 5:30. Mike wakes us up at friggin' 9 AM to tell us he's leaving. He makes awkward statements about Kalah. Nelle gets him to leave. We go back to sleep until 1 PM. I stay and watch two movies and help her clean the apartment. I leave around 8, right as Alex is texting me to tell me he had a lot of fun.
A two and a half hour conversation about organized religion, politics, and school ensues.
Tuesday:
Alex had mentioned an improv show he was going to be in. I opened up the line of conversation by asking where it was and how much it cost to get in. I also asked him if I skipped choir to see his show, would he come to see me sing in a benefit concert. He, regrettably, informed me that he's going to be in LA the weekend of the concert. He also said going to class was probably more important, but I lied and said choir was canceled so he wouldn't feel bad when I showed up. :P
Jenelle and I decided to go to the show together because Alex was in it and Jason was going to be there. Claire also decided to come with us so she wouldn't be bored.
I nearly killed us getting to Downtown San Diego. It was great fun.
We got there, only to find that Mike was sitting with Jason. The dude just won't go away or get the hint. But the show was fantastic and Chris and Alex were the two funniest people in it. Mainly because they're not afraid to act like total weirdos for the sake of comedy.
Note: The show was a graduation show for the eight actors who managed to make it through all three levels of improv class. They were split into two teams. Chris and Alex were on the same team. The two teams competed, with improv games, for the most applause and laughter.
Alex's team won the competition. And when the score was announced, Alex, in his falsetto voice said, "That's US!" and screamed like a girl.
Jenelle and Claire both patted my leg at that point.
Anywho, the show ends, so we go outside for a meet and greet with the actors. We're all giving high fives down the line. I get to Alex and raise my hand for a high five. And he hugs me instead. And then he says, "You came!"
It was so cute.
Jenelle, Claire, and I go down to the sidewalk to figure out where to go to eat. Mike comes up to us and makes awkward jokes. We start talking about a really hot guy. He leaves. Then Alex comes jogging down to us and gives us all hugs and asks what we thought. We give him a thorough review of the show (consisting of, "It was awesome!" "You sucked." "Eh. I'm gonna be the happy medium. It didn't suck, but it wasn't great.")(Jenelle and Claire were joking. You can guess which sentence I said...haha.). We talk about this coming Saturday and make plans to all be at the party after the improv show. Then he has to leave to clean up the theater.
And now, since I opened up the line of conversation both Monday and Tuesday, I'm waiting for him to start talking to me. I will wait as long as I have to for him to notice that I've been silent.
It always works. :P
And that's the story so far. I'm sure there are little details I forgot. Like, you know, me randomly sticking my hand in his back pocket because he has a great ass. And renaming him Quentin because he looks more like a Quentin than an Alex. But those details aren't that important and, honestly, I can't really remember when they happened exactly. :D
In retrospect, this post is not very well named. I dunno about you guys, but I never got drunk and hooked up with random boys in preschool. Hahahahahah.
I love being reillusioned. :)))
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