Day Four: On Friendship

I need to actually start posting these things, but I was so fed up with YouTube last night, that I failed in doing this.

Anyway, the topic of discussion today is friendship. I wrote two letters yesterday, one to Teresa and one to Coco. Long story short, the themes of the two letters were wildly different. But they made me think. I just started writing down all my thoughts of what I would like to say, and then more thoughts kind of came to me as I writing the first ones down, and by the time I was finished writing these letters, I was completely emotionally drained. It was really intense.

I talked to Matt last night after I got to thinking about all of it again, and I was crying and trying to figure out what to do, and he made everything better. I feel like I should write him a letter, too.

I’m not going to go into specifics because I don’t want to make this issue public, even if only a couple people actually read this. But I’ll put the general…idea out there. Teresa and I are having some problems. And maybe it’s my overactive imagination at work here, and maybe I’m blowing things out of proportion, but I am genuinely hurt by what’s going on. I’m not sure if it’s her issue or if it’s my issue, but I want to do something about it. That’s what talking to Matt did. It made me motivated enough to grow some balls and actually do something. We’re going to talk on Saturday and, hopefully, work out all our issues. Or possibly create newer, bigger ones. Either way, I know for a fact that I’m not just going to disappear from her life, no matter what stupid thing she does or whatever bitchy things I do, because she’s been a big part of my life for the last two years. Inconsistent, but still a part of it. I can’t fault her for that because I do the same thing. Out of sight, out of mind. But when I come back, everyone I’ve forgotten is still here waiting for me like nothing happened. That means everything to me. I hope it means just as much to Teresa.

My sophomore or junior year of high school, I got a list of quotes on friendship to use for some project or essay. I wish I still had those quotes, because they were beautiful. But I remember one because I wrote a blog about it the night I got the quotes: “A true friend doesn’t jump off the edge of a cliff with you; they wait at the bottom to catch you when you fall.”

I live by that quote. I always want to be waiting at the bottom. I always want someone waiting for me at the bottom. I don’t know how well I’m doing in this endeavor, but I know how many amazing people I have catching me when I fall, and that’s what helps me wake up every morning.

So, yeah. Friendship.

Thanks. It means a lot more to me than I ever say out loud. :)