Confessions, Questions

Oh, boy, here we go.

Confession time.

1. I said I was going to watch every season of Pokemon ever made on this awesome website shown to me by @3sixty5days...but I never even went back to the website after I bookmarked it initially.

2. I said I was gonna try playing WoW. Instead, I played MapleStory. Once.

3. I needed to have my ten page paper done by 5 PM last Friday. It still only has two sentences written and it's almost Sunday.

4. I wanted to hang out with Lucy before she left for school, but everything got so hectic while my cousin was here that I ran out of opportunities.

5. I ate McDonald's three times in a row for breakfast last week, spending a grand total of $12.40 that I will never get back...and probably adding on ten pounds that will take a year off my life.

6. Instead of editing, I've been writing scenes for the sequel. 10,000 words worth of scenes.

The point of this is that I'm TERRIBLE at setting goals and achieving them. Seriously. How have I made it almost 20 years? How did I graduate high school? How am I actually not on academic probation in college?

It's gotten to the point where I'm legitimately worried for myself. What am I doing with my life right now? I'm focusing on stupid boys and how to throw the perfect birthday party and how to spend my summer in bliss. I should be focusing on school and work and my friends.

I need to seriously rethink my life and what I want to do with it, 'cause right now I have no idea. I don't know what I want to do after school. I don't even know where I want to go after I'm done at Grossmont. Ideally, I'd love to get my Associates, go back to Etown, graduate with a 3.5, write a best-selling novel, fall in love, and be the next JK Rowling. Realistically, I never had the money to go to Etown, even when I was there, and I'm riding a 2.6 GPA that will be incredibly hard to bring up, and with my dismal writing skills and lack of ambition to actually edit the one piece of work I somewhat like and am proud of, I'll never get that best-seller or be as rich as the queen of England. Not to mention that every boy I know now is either not my type, too stupid to be in nerdfighterlike with me, or a smoker.

So, here are the questions I need to answer:

1. What do you do with a BA in English?
2. What is my life going to be?
3. Four years of college, and plenty of knowledge...ahem. Sorry. Continue to number four.
4. How much would I need to save to go back to PA?
5. Can I afford to rent and/or pay for PA State tuition?
6. How much effort can I put into my novel while going to school and working? Is it worth it?
7. Do I really want to focus on music as well as English, or should I just stick to English after this semester?
8. Am I just going to sit back and let them come to me, or do I give chase? How do I know if it's right?

I know I act like I don't care about these things a lot, but in reality I'm always thinking about them. I don't usually like to explain this kind of stuff verbally, and since most of my more personal interactions are done in person, I just don't talk about it. I don't want to say it wrong or hear a long-winded speech about it. I don't want people to make a fuss about it. I'm doing enough fussing of my own.

I'm always open to advice or discussions on this stuff...so long as it's written down. I do need help. I do. Just don't make a big deal out of it if you do want to help me. I'm not freaking out on the outside, so you shouldn't either.

And for the record, I'm not anxious about it all. I've got a lot of time to figure it all out. I'm way too laid back to get nail-biting nervous about stuff that will happen in the next couple years. So, no worries there. :P