Isn't it funny how you don't recognize yourself until you're face-to-face with a mirror?
I read this really weird article on these people called the Nacirema for sociology class. They believe in magic and have special rituals. They believe that the body is ugly and easily diseased. They believe the mouth is sacred and clean it every day and go to a holy-mouth-man twice a year so they can have magic powders put in and on their teeth. They keep their bodily functions a secret. They pay healer men to see them and prescribe cleansing medicines which they much then pick up from the apothecary, whom they also pay. The women stick their heads in small ovens for an hour each month or more. The men scrape the hair off their faces with sharp objects. Women hide their pregnancies because sex is a taboo'd topic. And their ideal set of breasts is described as 'hypermammary'.
Weird, right? Why would people think or believe or do this stuff?
But then you take a closer look.
Nacirema = American, backwards.
We do this stuff. We brush our teeth every morning to keep our mouths clean. We pay doctors to look at us, and then we pay the pharmacy for the medicine that will make us better. We keep our bodily functions a secret (for the most part) from others. Men shave. Women get their hair dyed professionally and have to sit under the 'oven' for an hour. And if our ideal of perfect breasts wasn't so abnormally large, why is plastic surgery so common? If we didn't all think ourselves ugly, why would we cover our faces with make up, and why would we dye our hair, and why would we pay so much to have our very face structure changed with surgery?
We are those weird, image-obsessed people.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Banned Book Week
John Green deserves an award of some sort. EVERY SINGLE ONE of his books is on the list this year. So I'm going to read all of them (for the second or fourth time). And then I'm going to go to the library and pick up as many banned books as I can get my hands on.
And after Banned Book Week, I'm going to go to Julian and get me some apple pie. Ahh, banned books and apple pie.
Life doesn't get better than this. :)
And after Banned Book Week, I'm going to go to Julian and get me some apple pie. Ahh, banned books and apple pie.
Life doesn't get better than this. :)
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Um...?
So, today was a good day to get wasted.
I, unfortunately, did NOT get wasted.
Let me list the reasons why I really wanted to drink an entire handle of vodka today:
1. Matt was at the concert.
2. He brought his girlfriend who doesn't know I slept with him.
3. We were stuck in a tiny church and then a tiny condo together.
4. We were almost stuck in a tiny backstage area together.
5. The concert had been planned for months, and rehearsed for four days.
6. Jenelle and I memorized our duet piece about three hours before the performance.
7. I had to improvise notes on one of the group pieces because the first time I saw the music was yesterday.
8. I couldn't wear a bra with my dress.
9. I had to wait for Matt to leave the table to say hi to his mom because I actually like her.
10. I think I may have offended Alex. Either that, or he just didn't know what to say in response.
But, all in all, it wasn't a terrible day. Alcohol definitely would have helped. A lot.
I didn't talk to Matt. The most I did was nod or make noises/gestures. I did not say one word to him.
How fuckin' dedicated am I?! xD
I, unfortunately, did NOT get wasted.
Let me list the reasons why I really wanted to drink an entire handle of vodka today:
1. Matt was at the concert.
2. He brought his girlfriend who doesn't know I slept with him.
3. We were stuck in a tiny church and then a tiny condo together.
4. We were almost stuck in a tiny backstage area together.
5. The concert had been planned for months, and rehearsed for four days.
6. Jenelle and I memorized our duet piece about three hours before the performance.
7. I had to improvise notes on one of the group pieces because the first time I saw the music was yesterday.
8. I couldn't wear a bra with my dress.
9. I had to wait for Matt to leave the table to say hi to his mom because I actually like her.
10. I think I may have offended Alex. Either that, or he just didn't know what to say in response.
But, all in all, it wasn't a terrible day. Alcohol definitely would have helped. A lot.
I didn't talk to Matt. The most I did was nod or make noises/gestures. I did not say one word to him.
How fuckin' dedicated am I?! xD
Friday, September 25, 2009
Uh-Oh.
I like to keep my mom in the loop when it comes to my love life. Because otherwise, she'll bitch at me for being bitchy when it's not going well. So, of course, I told her about Alex. I told her just about everything, aside from the fact that we got drunk and kissed. Apparently I mentioned how much work my stomach does whenever I think about him.
I got home last night after a night of exploration and adventure, and she was sitting on the couch watching Glen Beck. I waited for a commercial break, then I told her how I'd told Alex I liked him and how he'd been super cute with his reply and how we both have a lot of crap to work through before anything can happen.
And then she looked at me and said, "Just so you know, the fact that your heart flutters when you're around him means you're over Matt. You have moved on and your attention is elsewhere."
Which means I don't have quite as much to get through as I originally thought.
BUT I do still need to do some things before I'm fully ready to be involved with anyone. I'm actually kinda proud of myself for slowing down like this and doing so many self-evaluations.
I've made a list of things to get done:
1. Talk to Matt.
2. Attempt not to castrate him.
3. Be sure Alex and I are compatible as friends first.
4. Get back into school mode, because missing three days was NOT good.
5. Write a song before Taylor Swift gets to it first and blows my mind again.
When I say 'talk to Matt,' I don't mean try and work things out between the two of us. I'm not going to subject myself to that again. I won't let him have that control over me anymore. I'm going to tell him that he fucked up and that he needs to leave me alone from now on. I'm not ready to forgive him, and I doubt if I ever will be. He lied to me. And that hurt worse than the actual heartbreak. I almost gave him everything and he lied to me.
I don't know how I'll tell him this yet. I'm not very good when it comes to speaking my feelings out loud. But I feel like sending him a message on facebook is tacky. Plus, he sent me a shit ton of facebook messages and it just made me mad. He could have at least tried.
I may write him a letter and hand it to him before the concert. That way it's personal and I don't actually have to speak.
Anyway, I feel like after I let Matt know that it's over and that he should stop trying to get my attention, I'll feel much better about life. Free, even. And then I can dedicate myself to being Alex's friend, even though I'll want to kiss him a lot. But I think just that feeling of longing will be enough to inspire a really great song. And I've got to write a song. Because every time I think about writing a song and give up on it, Taylor Swift freaking writes it for me. Gah.
Mayhaps if I write a song, I can play it for Alex and make him fall so in love with me that he'll HAVE to be my boyfriend...? :P I think it's worth trying.
I got home last night after a night of exploration and adventure, and she was sitting on the couch watching Glen Beck. I waited for a commercial break, then I told her how I'd told Alex I liked him and how he'd been super cute with his reply and how we both have a lot of crap to work through before anything can happen.
And then she looked at me and said, "Just so you know, the fact that your heart flutters when you're around him means you're over Matt. You have moved on and your attention is elsewhere."
Which means I don't have quite as much to get through as I originally thought.
BUT I do still need to do some things before I'm fully ready to be involved with anyone. I'm actually kinda proud of myself for slowing down like this and doing so many self-evaluations.
I've made a list of things to get done:
1. Talk to Matt.
2. Attempt not to castrate him.
3. Be sure Alex and I are compatible as friends first.
4. Get back into school mode, because missing three days was NOT good.
5. Write a song before Taylor Swift gets to it first and blows my mind again.
When I say 'talk to Matt,' I don't mean try and work things out between the two of us. I'm not going to subject myself to that again. I won't let him have that control over me anymore. I'm going to tell him that he fucked up and that he needs to leave me alone from now on. I'm not ready to forgive him, and I doubt if I ever will be. He lied to me. And that hurt worse than the actual heartbreak. I almost gave him everything and he lied to me.
I don't know how I'll tell him this yet. I'm not very good when it comes to speaking my feelings out loud. But I feel like sending him a message on facebook is tacky. Plus, he sent me a shit ton of facebook messages and it just made me mad. He could have at least tried.
I may write him a letter and hand it to him before the concert. That way it's personal and I don't actually have to speak.
Anyway, I feel like after I let Matt know that it's over and that he should stop trying to get my attention, I'll feel much better about life. Free, even. And then I can dedicate myself to being Alex's friend, even though I'll want to kiss him a lot. But I think just that feeling of longing will be enough to inspire a really great song. And I've got to write a song. Because every time I think about writing a song and give up on it, Taylor Swift freaking writes it for me. Gah.
Mayhaps if I write a song, I can play it for Alex and make him fall so in love with me that he'll HAVE to be my boyfriend...? :P I think it's worth trying.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Crickets
Has anyone ever committed suicide because of chirping crickets?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
This is a fail of a post. Sorry.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
This is a fail of a post. Sorry.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wishes
I guess one of my wishes was granted. I said that I wanted to be something with Alex, and I am something. I'm just not what I wanted to be. But that's okay with me. Because the potential is there. Someday, when both of us are ready, we can have something more than just friendship.
At first I was really disappointed that he said he wasn't actually able to be in a relationship. And then I thought about it and realized he wasn't going to do it because of me. Well, for me. He doesn't want me hurt, and I think that's why I'm okay with just being his friend.
He's seriously the best boy I've ever met. He's always been open and honest with me and he's...see-through. And because I can see through him, I know he's honest and that his intentions are pure. He's just all-around awesome. And adorable. And really, really sweet.
It takes a lot to find a guy like that. I thought I had found one, but I guess it's true what they say about love making you blind. I thought the sun shone out his ass, but I was very wrong. So now I can see my own faults when it comes to boys and now I'm more cautious because of it. But there's something about Alex that just makes me want to throw caution to the wind. And that scares me.
For the first time, I want to be passionate. I want to really throw all of myself into something. I want to be completely fearless and fall in love. I want the nervous flutters in my stomach to never go away when I think of him or look at him. I want this feeling to never end. I want to be able to talk about running away to Vegas to get married and not be afraid that he'll shy away from the idea. I want to write songs about him that will erase all the pain from the Spider Game songs.
I guess I kind of want to be Coco.
But I can't be yet. Because Alex has a lot of stuff to work through. And I guess I do too. I think it's time I talk to Matt. The sooner I do, the sooner I can get over everything we had, and the sooner I can move on and fully devote myself to the wild passion in me that's dying to get out.
At first I was really disappointed that he said he wasn't actually able to be in a relationship. And then I thought about it and realized he wasn't going to do it because of me. Well, for me. He doesn't want me hurt, and I think that's why I'm okay with just being his friend.
He's seriously the best boy I've ever met. He's always been open and honest with me and he's...see-through. And because I can see through him, I know he's honest and that his intentions are pure. He's just all-around awesome. And adorable. And really, really sweet.
It takes a lot to find a guy like that. I thought I had found one, but I guess it's true what they say about love making you blind. I thought the sun shone out his ass, but I was very wrong. So now I can see my own faults when it comes to boys and now I'm more cautious because of it. But there's something about Alex that just makes me want to throw caution to the wind. And that scares me.
For the first time, I want to be passionate. I want to really throw all of myself into something. I want to be completely fearless and fall in love. I want the nervous flutters in my stomach to never go away when I think of him or look at him. I want this feeling to never end. I want to be able to talk about running away to Vegas to get married and not be afraid that he'll shy away from the idea. I want to write songs about him that will erase all the pain from the Spider Game songs.
I guess I kind of want to be Coco.
But I can't be yet. Because Alex has a lot of stuff to work through. And I guess I do too. I think it's time I talk to Matt. The sooner I do, the sooner I can get over everything we had, and the sooner I can move on and fully devote myself to the wild passion in me that's dying to get out.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Love Blog: Also On Facebook
Going in chronological order here...
Jayne: Thanks for being my first best friend and playing so many ridiculous games with me. I can still remember the day we caught about fifty rolly pollies and named them all. :P We were so awesome back then. And you're still awesome now! I need to meet your baby girl! She's so cute and she's going to have some awesome adventures of her own. I expect to hear about the ones that sound a lot like ours. :)
Anne: You're seriously the most beautiful girl I know. And I mean inside and out. Like, when I didn't have any friends back in grade school because Emily had ditched me and Jayne had moved to Washington, you still hung out with me. That meant a lot more to me than I can tell you. The fact that you still hang out with me and share so many nerdy jokes with me is kind of amazing. Most girls with your talent and looks would forget about the nerdy best friend they had in grade school. But you're better than that. :) Thanks, love.
Lucy: The only reason I'm posting this is because of you, haha. But you did ask for a completely honest post, and I said I would only give the complete truth if someone asked for it. So here it is: I love you. You were the first real friend I made in high school and I am just overjoyed that we're still as tight as we are. I know we both grew away from each other, because I went chasing boys and you went chasing work, but at the end of the day, you're still one of my best friends and I will always cherish all the good times and laughs that we had together. And, you know, all the illegal things we did together. :P Oh, and mashed potato parties. Those were the best. lol.
Coco: I don't really remember what my first impression of you was, but I know I must have thought you were awesome because you were a drama kid and you got to hang out with all the cool kids (cool kids being the drama kids, of course). And then came choir. We didn't talk much in San Fran, but my senior year we did talk and we really got to know each other, and now I love you. :D Because I can show up at your house at any point of the day and still be offered coffee. And because we can listen to songs about zombies and start a new genre of zombie pop. And because you have always been honest with me, even at great personal risk. I never told you how much it meant to me that you risked everything to tell me the truth. But I think you probably guessed. :) I love you, beautiful, and I can't wait for you to come back so we can have more unplanned moments.
Jenelle: I already wrote to you in a blog, but now I have more to say. Along with not condemning me, you've also helped me get back on track by giving me advice and going shopping with me and just talking with me and being honest. Thanks for being girly and silly with me when I need it most. :) I promise I will do everything I can to help you when you need it. I promise to be here for you and to support you in everything you do. Just like you've done for me. Thank you.
Reesa: Sometimes, I want to strangle you. But most of the time, I don't. And I'm pretty sure the wanting to strangle you is all a part of being best friends and love and stuff. We get on each others nerves and we fight and we stop talking to each other and we make each other cry. But we always make up for it in laughter and love. And when one of us is crying because of something else, we always have each others back. Which is awesome. And when boys are stupid or cute or both at once, it's always nice to know that we can rant to each other and solve the problem by going gay for each other. ;D
Elisabeth: Remember the first day we met each other? I dragged you out of the dorm and into my car so we could go to Giant. And then we ended up buying fifty cent bouncy balls in preparation for future roomie fights. But we never fought and you ended up being like a sister to me. After hearing and seeing so many fall-outs between roommates last year, what we had was probably magical. I'm so sorry I'm not there this year. When you told me you had set up the room the way I'd wanted it, I cried. I wish I was there so badly. Fatty #1 is nothing without her Fatty #2. :(
Stepf: Wifey! I can't believe how long it took for us to become friends. Seriously. What was wrong with us? Anyway, it doesn't matter now since we're married and stuff. :P But, yeah, I just want to say thank you and that I love you. You're always here for me when I need help or advice or just someone to talk to. Even if it's 4 AM your time. I can only hope that I can do the same for you whenever you need it. :)
Nick: You're an ass, but I still love you because you make me laugh and you help me widen my perspective on life by having random philosophical conversations with me. You're also the first real guy best friend I ever made after Matt, and it's nice to have someone I can go to when I'm confused about the inner workings of boys. I miss you and I miss having random adventures with you around Etown. :(
Arslan: I'll start out by telling you that I love you in a completely non-romantic way. :P I know we weren't completely open with each other when I was back there, but I've always had a problem being really honest and close with guys. But we did have some really deep conversations during the school year and we've had a few over the summer, too. For the record, I could NEVER hate you for being honest with me. If anything, when you tell me the whole truth, I love you more for it. It gives you more character, and more character means there's more to love. :)
Sedrick: I know you don't remember the night you asked me to marry you, but I do, and it was probably the most epic proposal in the world. :D Thanks for being my black husband and making me laugh and asking me to marry you. I miss you, sweetheart.
Nicole: I am so glad I got to know you better second semester. The Madlib Summer would have never existed if we hadn't been friends, and OMLS has been the highlight of my year. You always have good advice when I need it and you're always up for a ridiculous story. Thanks for letting me rant and bitch and get everything off my chest. Oh, and thanks for breakfast. :P <3
Rachel: You are just so awesome. Remember that one time at, like, 2 in the morning when I was trying to do laundry and you said something about going out in the snow in a bikini? Do you remember that one time when we actually did it? XD I love that you can come up with the craziest ideas and then follow through with them. Thanks for making a fool of yourself in a bikini in the snow for me. :))) And thanks for doing the OMLS project with me. I don't know if I could make it through this next school year without weekly contact between us all. <3
Lauren: I still fangirl occasionally when you do stuff like show up in Nicole's vlog or follow my blog. :P I'm really glad you didn't think I was a freak for showing up out of the blue and accosting you during lunch, because otherwise our random trip to Philly to meet a boy from London would have never happened, and we wouldn't have gone to see Hank and John in Lancaster together, and we wouldn't have been friends. And I love being your friend. It makes me feel all special. (And the inner fangirl in me feels super important.) Thanks for being awesome! :)
Jayne: Thanks for being my first best friend and playing so many ridiculous games with me. I can still remember the day we caught about fifty rolly pollies and named them all. :P We were so awesome back then. And you're still awesome now! I need to meet your baby girl! She's so cute and she's going to have some awesome adventures of her own. I expect to hear about the ones that sound a lot like ours. :)
Anne: You're seriously the most beautiful girl I know. And I mean inside and out. Like, when I didn't have any friends back in grade school because Emily had ditched me and Jayne had moved to Washington, you still hung out with me. That meant a lot more to me than I can tell you. The fact that you still hang out with me and share so many nerdy jokes with me is kind of amazing. Most girls with your talent and looks would forget about the nerdy best friend they had in grade school. But you're better than that. :) Thanks, love.
Lucy: The only reason I'm posting this is because of you, haha. But you did ask for a completely honest post, and I said I would only give the complete truth if someone asked for it. So here it is: I love you. You were the first real friend I made in high school and I am just overjoyed that we're still as tight as we are. I know we both grew away from each other, because I went chasing boys and you went chasing work, but at the end of the day, you're still one of my best friends and I will always cherish all the good times and laughs that we had together. And, you know, all the illegal things we did together. :P Oh, and mashed potato parties. Those were the best. lol.
Coco: I don't really remember what my first impression of you was, but I know I must have thought you were awesome because you were a drama kid and you got to hang out with all the cool kids (cool kids being the drama kids, of course). And then came choir. We didn't talk much in San Fran, but my senior year we did talk and we really got to know each other, and now I love you. :D Because I can show up at your house at any point of the day and still be offered coffee. And because we can listen to songs about zombies and start a new genre of zombie pop. And because you have always been honest with me, even at great personal risk. I never told you how much it meant to me that you risked everything to tell me the truth. But I think you probably guessed. :) I love you, beautiful, and I can't wait for you to come back so we can have more unplanned moments.
Jenelle: I already wrote to you in a blog, but now I have more to say. Along with not condemning me, you've also helped me get back on track by giving me advice and going shopping with me and just talking with me and being honest. Thanks for being girly and silly with me when I need it most. :) I promise I will do everything I can to help you when you need it. I promise to be here for you and to support you in everything you do. Just like you've done for me. Thank you.
Reesa: Sometimes, I want to strangle you. But most of the time, I don't. And I'm pretty sure the wanting to strangle you is all a part of being best friends and love and stuff. We get on each others nerves and we fight and we stop talking to each other and we make each other cry. But we always make up for it in laughter and love. And when one of us is crying because of something else, we always have each others back. Which is awesome. And when boys are stupid or cute or both at once, it's always nice to know that we can rant to each other and solve the problem by going gay for each other. ;D
Elisabeth: Remember the first day we met each other? I dragged you out of the dorm and into my car so we could go to Giant. And then we ended up buying fifty cent bouncy balls in preparation for future roomie fights. But we never fought and you ended up being like a sister to me. After hearing and seeing so many fall-outs between roommates last year, what we had was probably magical. I'm so sorry I'm not there this year. When you told me you had set up the room the way I'd wanted it, I cried. I wish I was there so badly. Fatty #1 is nothing without her Fatty #2. :(
Stepf: Wifey! I can't believe how long it took for us to become friends. Seriously. What was wrong with us? Anyway, it doesn't matter now since we're married and stuff. :P But, yeah, I just want to say thank you and that I love you. You're always here for me when I need help or advice or just someone to talk to. Even if it's 4 AM your time. I can only hope that I can do the same for you whenever you need it. :)
Nick: You're an ass, but I still love you because you make me laugh and you help me widen my perspective on life by having random philosophical conversations with me. You're also the first real guy best friend I ever made after Matt, and it's nice to have someone I can go to when I'm confused about the inner workings of boys. I miss you and I miss having random adventures with you around Etown. :(
Arslan: I'll start out by telling you that I love you in a completely non-romantic way. :P I know we weren't completely open with each other when I was back there, but I've always had a problem being really honest and close with guys. But we did have some really deep conversations during the school year and we've had a few over the summer, too. For the record, I could NEVER hate you for being honest with me. If anything, when you tell me the whole truth, I love you more for it. It gives you more character, and more character means there's more to love. :)
Sedrick: I know you don't remember the night you asked me to marry you, but I do, and it was probably the most epic proposal in the world. :D Thanks for being my black husband and making me laugh and asking me to marry you. I miss you, sweetheart.
Nicole: I am so glad I got to know you better second semester. The Madlib Summer would have never existed if we hadn't been friends, and OMLS has been the highlight of my year. You always have good advice when I need it and you're always up for a ridiculous story. Thanks for letting me rant and bitch and get everything off my chest. Oh, and thanks for breakfast. :P <3
Rachel: You are just so awesome. Remember that one time at, like, 2 in the morning when I was trying to do laundry and you said something about going out in the snow in a bikini? Do you remember that one time when we actually did it? XD I love that you can come up with the craziest ideas and then follow through with them. Thanks for making a fool of yourself in a bikini in the snow for me. :))) And thanks for doing the OMLS project with me. I don't know if I could make it through this next school year without weekly contact between us all. <3
Lauren: I still fangirl occasionally when you do stuff like show up in Nicole's vlog or follow my blog. :P I'm really glad you didn't think I was a freak for showing up out of the blue and accosting you during lunch, because otherwise our random trip to Philly to meet a boy from London would have never happened, and we wouldn't have gone to see Hank and John in Lancaster together, and we wouldn't have been friends. And I love being your friend. It makes me feel all special. (And the inner fangirl in me feels super important.) Thanks for being awesome! :)
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