Special, One-Time-Only Second Blog!

BOYS.

So, it's been made clear that boys happen sometimes. More often than not, it usually sucks when they do happen. But don't give up hope!! There ARE some good guys in this world! I'm not sure if you have to look for them or if they come to you on their own, but eventually, the women of the world will actually fall in love with the right one and the whole 'boy' thing will not be made of fail.

This said, I have fallen for the right boy. It was just the wrong time and now I'm pissed because prom is another wrong time. I can't make him wait for four years, though. That's a fact of life. He doesn't know what he wants and I probably don't either. I may think I do, but I still have a lot of growing up to do. That goes for every girl my age. He might be perfect now, but remember: love is blind. Don't go looking for faults, but don't pretend they don't exist. I could've told plenty of girls that the guy they liked was really just a two-faced ass, or not even worth their time. I can't say so now, 'cause it would hurt their feelings. Somehow I think the girls I have in mind will know who they are when they read this, though.

A hermit crab can change its shell, but it can't change the fact that it's still a crab and has scary pincers and claws.

Yes, I did just liken boys to hermit crabs. 'Cause let's face it. Boys are. They are semi-aquatic organisms who grow out of shells (read: girls), throw them away, and obtain new ones.

I would like to think that girls are never semi-aquatic organisms, but that would be just as stupid as saying that a boy has no faults. But usually, girls are like...cats. Graceful, adorable, and finicky. One minute we'll be purring against your chest, the next we're scratching your eyes out. But we'll look fabulous while we're doing it, which is much more of a task than you might believe it to be.

This wasn't actually supposed to be a rant on boys and girls. It was supposed to be a rant about falling victim to the opposite sex. I believe in love and I believe that there are good boys and girls out there. I just don't believe that at the age of seventeen you can get so hung up on the opposite sex that you're completely crushed when they claw your eyes out/change their shell. It's to be expected at this age. I don't want to seem harsh and I know I obsessed for a while when my heart was 'broken', but we all have to move on. Life does not end here. Don't let one boy/girl stop you from living your life to the fullest.

Life won't end unless you let it. Remember that, please.

Endless love,
Karaline (I might as well just come out and say my real name, since Lucy already has. :P)

Three Parts Today

I haven't been on here for a while. Actually, I was a few days after my last post, but my power went out and I lost everything that I'd typed (which was a lot), so I gave up and didn't try to rewrite it all.

Aside from that, I've been pretty busy. There have been prom things, end-of-the-year projects, family members, parties, award ceremonies, and a lot of disappointment and laughter. But all of that doesn't matter anymore. Because one of my random mind babies is actually going to stay out of the EBO and grow up to be a well-developed mind child with a good, determined core.

In short, I am creating a vlog. It's not just me, either. It's Teresa, Jenelle, Lucy, possibly Claire, and me. You see, three of us are leaving for the East coast and the other two are going to commit suicide without us to entertain them on a daily basis (or vice versa). Therefore the Five West Coast Girls was born! Each of us will take a weekday and make a 2-4 minute long vlog about our day/week/weekend/latest obsession/latest irritance/etc. We'll post on the same youtube account and be able to keep in touch while we're away from each other for four years.

They say the average high school graduate only stays in contact with two of their high school friends.

I say nay.

I will stay in contact with FOUR of them.

Suck it, national standard.


Ahem. In other news, I have finished watching vlogbrothers! Yes, that's right! I watched an entire years' worth of video blogs and it only took me two months (give or take a week or two) to do it in! I think I should get a nerdfighter award. Or I should contribute to some cause to decrease worldsuck....Oh wait! I AM! I'm bringing in a huge bag of recyclables to my English teacher tomorrow and all the proceeds go to an organization called DUH, who will then use the money to sponsor impoverished children in third world countries! How awesome is that?! I'm so excited!


Part 3: Grad party!
My family and I have reached a general agreement that my Harry Potter Grad Party will commence on the 13th of June! We will have Quidditch, food, butterbeer, cookies, other desserts, a group rendition of 'Voldemort Can't Stop the Rock', and maybe a wrock concert from Marked As His Equal (I have yet to ask him if he's available and how much he'll want to be paid for a show). Reesa and I will be decorating invitations throughout the week and sending them out to all the invitees. You will either be in Slytherin or Gryffindor (prepare to be pwned by the green and silver if your invitation is red and gold) for Quidditch, so come prepared to play. Brooms will be provided. :)


I think that's about it. I have to go write a screen-play for government now, so...adieu!

Love always,
Kat

Prom Court

Found out today that I'm one of six girls in the running for Prom Queen. How crazy is that? Like, I've never been nominated for anything like this before. Ever. And now I can't help but be excited for prom. I'm not saying that I wasn't before, but now it's like, wow, I might actually have a good reason to go (aside from a prom night stand that may or may not happen, haha). The point is, I'm excited for prom now. I'm getting my dress in for alterations on Thursday, also the day of the spring concert, and I should have it back next week.

Some people think I've waited too long to get my dress altered. I say nay. I think I was smart in doing so because I've gained 15 pounds of muscle since I first tried on the dress. All I have to do is stay the same shape and size for a couple weeks and my dress will fit perfectly. What now, all you girls who are dieting to get back to the weight you were when you got your dresses altered? My procrastination has actually paid off this time! Yayyyyyyy! :D


So, yesterday, I said I'd finish writing about Brandon's love letter to me. I'm lazy, though, so I'm just going to copy and paste it in here.

"I feel really awkward writing this but here it goes...

I am sorry for what I did and obviously I want to apologize. I broke up with you for reason and without first talking to you. I knew even before I did it that it was a stupid and irrational thing to do and I cannot forgive myself for it.

When I got your letter a shit load of things went through my mind, and, seeing as how I was raised pessimistic, they were all negative. First thing I was thinking was the fact that you had given me a letter and not talked to me (didn't factor in the cold and that still kills me) and that made me feel like you didn't care. Second thing were the answers. The way that I read them was in a negative way (obviously) and in the mind set that you didn't care whatsoever.

I still cannot believe that I did it and am still in shock. I have yet to even think of an excuse that would make any of it more sensible or sane.

I am sure you have moved on and couldn't give a flying fuck about me anymore after all that but I must say that I have not lived a day without thinking about what an ass I was and how stupid I was to break up with you. I know that I will never get you back but would give anything for a chance at such a thing.

I loved you then
I love you now,
I think of you
and yet somehow,
I did you wrong
and made you cry
so here alone
I lay and die.

(I don't write poetry and yet I made that up on the spot =p...sorry enough fucking around)

Again I wanted to say that I am sorry and that I don't know why I did what I did other than the fact that I was paranoid and took simple things too far.

Thanks for reading this (if you did...wouldn't blame you for not) and I hope to hear back from you with any sort of response in any way shape or form.

Love,
Brandon"

I think it's funny how he assumed that I cried. *snort*

I then received a text message reading, "Would you please reply the the message I sent you on myspace?"

First of all, replying was optional on my part. Second, no, I'm not going to reply. Not now, at least. Stop being a selfish ass. I was actually going to plan out a nice, long letter explaining why you should get over me because there's no way in hell I would ever go back to you. You're an assfuck with an ego and a small dick. Get over yourself. You're not that fucking smart.

Okay, so that was a short letter and you would probably hate me. Which is what I want, right? But then again, I'm nonconfrontational.

I'll send that letter after I'm safely on the other side of the country. :)


I'm exhausted and coming down with a cold, so I'm going to bed now. Good night, loves!

Dear Lord, He Became a Poet for Me

Yes, that's right. My dumbass ex-boyfriend wrote me a poem about how he still loves me. WTF. Why are boys so...stupid?

I seriously can't WAIT to go back East. New boys, new atmosphere, new drama, new memories, new friends. It'll be a fucking relief. That is, if I can last that long.

So, here's basically what's been happening:
I've rediscovered feelings for an old flame and I realized that's why all my relationships have been fucked up. I'm still desperately in love with this guy. It helped that Trent was ignoring my existence for over a month so I could figure all this out and it made it a lot easier to break up with him after he finally started talking to me again. Yes, that's right. We're done. And I'm proud to say that I did the dumping this time. I took the initiative and it's been a weight off my shoulders. He didn't have a backbone anyways.
That was Wednesday last week. Before that, my computer's C drive got fried from, like, a zillion viruses and I lost EVERYTHING. Except pictures and my shared music. Which means, I lost all my wizard rock, sims, sims downloads, stories, assignments, emails, and iTunes. It sucks. And then my dad's IQ dropped and he gave me a 20 gig C drive to replace my 150 gig one. Umm...not gonna work. My sims takes up 18 gigs. Yeah. I don't have room for anything.

I'm going to go now and edit my Hamlet video. I'll finish this later with a copy of DBEWMB's poem. :P

Day After 4/20 = Gossip Girl and John Green

I've been needing to update this thing and since I've got 52 minutes to waste before the newest episode of Gossip Girl comes on, well...I've got absolutely nothing else to do. Except this. Yayyy!

First up: Canadia!
The beginning of the trip = crap. But I was interviewed for KPBS. Which was extremely awesome. I also improvised a song about how much American Airlines fails at life for KPBS. Again, awesome.

Commercial break!

When looking for an airline that's reliable, safe, and friendly...don't fly American Airlines.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Anywho, we got to Canadia (finally) and the lady at customs freaking yells at me for saying 'what?' instead of 'pardon?' or 'excuse me?'. wtf. Go back to Quebec. And fuck yourself.

We did a lot of stuff there. Like...
-Saw The Wizard of Oz!
-Worked out at the YMCA and laughed at 'pool foulings'
-Went to THREE different malls--yes, three.
-Had some heart-to-heart talks at THREE IN THE MORNING.
-Were extremely sleep-deprived
-Competed against one other women's choir. And came in second place.
-Met some awesome guys from Dallas, TX
-Two words: O Canada.
-Decided American money should have sparkly stripes like Canadian money
-Tried to walk like the jolly walking man
-Sang in a church
-Impersonated the adjudicator who looked like the Hunchback of Notre Dame doing interpretive dance
-Made friends with an 80-year-old
-Slept on a bus and got multiple embarrassing pictures taken
-Ate ketchup chips and fell in love
-Left our hearts at the top of the CN Tower
-Planned to send clickable Sharpies to Kieth so that he'll vouch for us to come back to the country
-Decided Jessica is a porn star
-Got massages every night from Chelsea
-Had fries for lunch. And nothing else.
-Laughed. A lot. Like, no kidding. It was non-stop.

That's basically it. I couldn't explain all the inside jokes or stuff that we did. It's kinda hard to justify.

Second on the agenda: Schoolsuck
I can't really believe it, but I'm not failing English. Like, wow. I haven't turned in an essay (among other things) and I've still got a 63%. Holy shit. I'm clearly made of awesome.

Senior activities were cool...well, they would have been if I'd actually BEEN THERE. Yeah. I got sick. With the fucking flu. omgwtfbbq. I'm pissed. I heard the comedy group was amazing and it would have been totally amazing to chill with friends on Thursday. But no. I was there on Monday (I ditched English, go figure), Tuesday (in which I spent the entire time doing a practice AP test), and Friday (which I felt nauseous throughout). Last week can definitely be classified as schoolsuck.

Third: Nerdfighters and Gossip Girl
OMG. John and Hank Green are...amazing. I understand why everyone's so in love with them. They're fantastic. And hysterical. John especially. I really want to read his books now.

"Lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, lady, John Green!!"

Plus, Lauren says Finding Alaska is a great book. Personally, I'm looking forward to the book that comes out in September. :D

So, basically, I watched two and a half months worth of brotherhood 2.0 in the past three hours because I couldn't stand to wait for Gossip Girl tonight. I've seen the four sneak preview clips from CWTV on youtube and it looks soooooooooooooo freakin' good. It's ridiculous. I can't WAIT.

28 minutes and counting.


Ummmmmmm...what to talk about.

Ooh! My new computer! Well, okay, it's not new. My old C drive was fried from a virus, so my dad gave me a new one and put most of my old on on a different drive. He failed to get all my wizard rock and, more depressingly, my sims.

If you've never played a legacy on sims (or, God forbid, never played sims), they take FOREVER. What with custom content slowing down the game and sims taking forever to age and get through university...it just takes a really long time.

I started my legacy with Lauren and Alex, both wizard rockers who will eventually end up married, even if Alex was and sometimes still is a douche bag to Lauren (in real life, that is).
Anyways, I started with them, both family aspiring sims. They had their first daughter, Bethany. She was hideous. Not gonna lie. Then they had twins, Sabrina and Salem (yes, I am that cruel). Sabrina = gorgeous. She was my legacy heir. Salem wasn't too bad, but he needed a nose job, like, pronto, so I put Bethany in uni studying drama. I figured she'd be able to fix her face AND Salem's eventually. After them came another set of twins, Zoe and Darren. Zoe was pretty, but Darren was...well, he definitely wasn't hot. But he wasn't as hideous as Bethany, either. Anyways, after them came Milo and...his brother. Can't remember his name. Then I went to university and paired everyone up, except for Sabrina who didn't go to uni and got married to Fletcher Berkowitz, who, oddly enough, is the father of Katy, who married Salem. But it's not incestuous at all. Katy's mother never actually existed, so...anyways...

Darren got engaged to Michelle Kearney (the one townie who was actually pretty enough to maybe produce pretty children) and ended up getting her pregnant, so they moved out of the dorm and into their own house where they raised a daughter, Athalia. Athalia was not black, but I thought she deserved a name that was...out there. So I flipped to a random page in my baby name book and gave her the first unusual name I found. Michelle and Darren graduated, moved into a house down the street from Alex and Lauren, got married, and had a son. I don't remember what his name was 'cause I only had him in the game for half an hour before I quit the game. Little did I know that I would never start up that game again to show those characters any more love and affection. Sabrina never gave birth to her first child. Salem never got his nose job. Bethany never stopped being ugly. Hell, Zoe didn't even have the chance to get engaged to her boyfriend. And Athalia never even got her first kiss.

:(

It was a sad, sad day.

But I can't reflect anymore because Gossip Girl starts in five minutes.

Bye, loves!!!!

Moms + Hospitals = Speculation

So, Lucy's mom just got out of the hospital, once the doctors got their act together and actually figured out what the hell was going on with her. Now Reesa's mom's in the hospital with a kidney stone that was supposed to pass on its own. They gave her pain meds and sent her on her merry way, and now she's got a temperature of 100 degrees and she can't stand up without getting dizzy.

I don't get it. First Anne's mom, then Lucy's, now Reesa's. It makes me wonder when it'll be my mom's turn. I used to worry a lot my junior year when my mom wasn't on anti-depressants. I think, maybe, that's what made my junior year so shitty. That and my huge fight with Lucy that took us forever to overcome. But I used to wonder everyday if I'd come home and find out that my mom had committed suicide 'cause she thought she was a bad mother and had nothing to live for. She scared me when she talked like that. She scared Rissy, too. But what were we supposed to do? Dad wasn't home and Mom was...depressed. Suicidal. I didn't want to go to school and I didn't want to come home afterwards 'cause I didn't want to know what had happened while I was gone.

I wasn't just worried because she's my mom. I love her. She's not always the best mother in the world, but, c'mon, she's my mom. No, the reason I was worried was because Anne had just lost her mom. I mean, it was a little different considering the fact that Mrs. J was sick for over a decade before she died, but my mom had a serious mental illness. She dug up some repressed memories and I think they pushed her over the edge. She wasn't always so crazy. She used to have fits of rage when she was still in college and I was in kindergarten. I remember one time, she flipped the coffee table over, slipped on her way into the kitchen, and broke her pinky. She was crying in the middle of the floor and I was crying because I was scared out of my mind. For God's sake, I was five. What was I supposed to do?
I don't think she remembers what was going on before she broke her finger. Every once in a while, she brings up her crooked finger, and all I can think of is, "You flipped the coffee table that day because you were mad at the world. And me."

When things like that happened, I would always go to the balcony. That was back when we lived in a two-story house. There was a balcony outside my dad's office (later it became my room once Rissy was born) and I would sit on it, talking to myself until I felt better. I didn't need someone to talk to. I was content with exploring my emotions on my own. I still do that. I still pull away when people ask me what I'm thinking or feeling. I can figure it out on my own, given the time. Sometimes, I write it down. That's why I ended my fight with Lucy with a letter. I can express myself in written words much easier than in spoken words, mainly because after a while I realized that my parents could just stick their head out the kitchen door and hear whatever I was saying to myself. I started reading avidly then. I would immerse myself in fantasy fiction. Somehow, that helped, too. I could relate to characters and get out all my feelings through them.

Wow. Walk down memory lane.

I don't think I've had so much inner reflection in a long time. It's hard for me to look at myself sometimes. I don't think I like me very much. There are parts of me that I love. And there are parts of me that I wish didn't exist. My parents used to ask me why I wasn't more like so-and-so whenever I disappointed them. It kind of made me wonder why I wasn't good enough that I couldn't just be myself.

Fuck. I'm crying.

04/04/08

AKA Senior Ditch Day. Also, the best day of my life. Even though it only started 16 minutes ago.

I'll probably write tonight about everything. It should be a lot of fun. I'm only going to choir 'cause, let's face it, we need practice and there are only 5 days left until Canada. And I'm just getting my voice back to full power. I need to be there.
After choir, Reesa and I are going to In-n-Out for the most amazing food in California, and then we're going back to her house to watch Enchanted and other movies with the ever gorgeous James Marsden. :P


That's pretty much all I had to say. It's late. I've been reading fictionpress. Trying to find new stories to get hooked on. I've found three so far, so maybe it won't be so torturous waiting for Myrika and SouledChampion to update. Ugh.

I need to write. It's been weeks since I've been really inspired to continue my newest story. If I read a good book or two (or a couple stories), I'll probably find something in me that will propel me to finish chapter 2 of 'How Do You Solve a Problem Like Mr. Right?'

You never know, though.


So, I'm tired. Ridiculously. Tired. The US history video project took forever. And I had to leave music out of it 'cause my computer was being a butt. Grr.


Like I said, it's late. I need to go to bed.

Goooooood night!