Bitch, Please

You know those moments when you REALLY want to say something epic and badass, but you can't think of WHAT until five minutes after the fact? Yeah. Those suck. ESPECIALLY when you're dressed up in green and silver.

So here's what went down:
We were sitting in the theater, waiting for Harry Potter to start. Everyone was talking. Someone got us to sing happy birthday for a girl in the audience. Many of us were making inappropriate jokes about wands and wood.
...Actually, that last one was just me.
Anyway, the previews started, and we were all laughing and joking about some of them, and nerding out about others. Like Sherlock Holmes 2 and Cowboys Vs. Aliens. And then came Warhorse. And we were all sort of confused as to why there was a preview for a stupid horse movie before Harry freaking Potter. The preview ended and there was a collective breath around the room...and then another preview started and everyone sighed. So, yeah, I giggled, and so did a few people around me.
And this bitch behind me went, "Are you ever gonna shut the fuck up?"
All I could do was stare at her. I couldn't even comprehend it. Like, yeah, you've probably been waiting outside for hours to get in here...SO HAVE WE. Also, it's past midnight, we're tired, practically exploding with excitement, and this night marks the end of our childhood. I'm so sorry you've got Voldemort's wand up your ass, but the rest of us are here to have a good time. CLEARLY you've never been to a midnight premiere before, because EVERYONE talks at midnight premieres! AND THE MOVIE HASN'T FREAKING STARTED YET SO SHUT UP AND SIT THE FUCK DOWN!
I turned around, all of this going through my mind, and I looked down at my bag a minute later and saw my wand. And suddenly I knew the best possible thing I could've done, but it was way too late to do it.
I really should've pointed my wand at her and said, "Silencio," and turned back around like nothing had happened.
I was really bummed I hadn't thought of it sooner, so I leaned over to Amy and told her my plan...and she was giggling LOUDLY for at LEAST a minute.

I hope that bitch knew we were laughing at her.