...Where do I start?
So much stuff has happened in the last few days that I can't even keep up anymore.
I guess I'll start with the most complicated part. It has to do with the boy. I only say complicated because I don't even know what I'm feeling at the moment. It's always like that for me, though. When I'm with the boy I've got my attention on, there's really only one thing I want, and then when I'm away and able to think rationally...it's all different.
Not making much sense, am I?
Alex basically told me the same thing Matt did once upon a time. But my response was vastly different this time around. And I'm happy I stuck to my guns and all, but now I'm back where I started. I realize I'm barely out of my teens and that I've got years and years to find that fairytale romance I've been dreaming of since I was, like, two months old, but...sometimes I want it to be NOW. Alex is awesome and absolutely perfect for me...except for his whole religion thing. That's a big part of why I'm so confused right now. He actually said, without shame, that he couldn't date a girl who was part of organized religion. I'm sorry, but WHAT? I realize the Jehovah's Witnesses really screwed up your vision of religion but that doesn't mean you should rule out every girl with a good set of morals and standards. I mean REALLY. And you said the Witnesses focused on tearing down other religions...but I bet they didn't talk about how wonderful and familial we are, either. Or how you don't have to be perfect all the time, or scared of God's wrath and the apocalypse every second of the day. Religion shouldn't be a scare tactic. It should be the island in the middle of an overwhelming ocean - a safe haven.
Apparently because I believe that, I've never got a shot with him. And you know what? Once I got home and was able to really think about that, I realized that he isn't as perfect as I thought he was. I'd romanticized him (and it's hard not to when he willingly danced and kissed in the rain with me) into something he wasn't. I'm starting to see that now. I don't want to turn him into a bad guy in my mind or anything, but I do need to strip him of his 'god-like' qualities so I can get over it and move on.
And that means I need to have another heart-to-heart with him to let him know that we are strictly friends from now on and nothing else. Nothing casual between us whatsoever. I'm better than that and I deserve more. I deserve a guy who can actually look me in the eye and say, "Yeah, a relationship sounds fine to me. Oh, you're a Christian? That's awesome!"
So, there you go. That's part one.
Part two is Christmas/New Years. Good Lord. I wasn't sure what to expect on Christmas. I didn't ask for much (or anything, really). All I really wanted was my guitar, and I got that a month ago. Aside from that, all I really wanted was a ticket to VidCon and books.
I got so much more and it was all equally amazing. Even now in a state of extreme financial difficulty, my family members managed to get me things I didn't even know I wanted until I had them. I was honestly and pleasantly surprised on Christmas day. :) I really do cherish my family. Yeah, I miss all those crazy wonderful folks out on the east coast, but I don't know what I'd do without my west coast family. I love how they all get me. I love that no matter what, I'll always fit in with my family.
Oh, and I DID get the ticket to VidCon. My cousin got me the full community pass and a ticket to the brunch in the middle of the convention. Zoie, Erin and I are sharing a hotel room near the Hyatt, but we need one more person to stay in our room so that we can all pay about $40-$60 for the entire hotel stay. Luckily, we've got a few months to find a fourth person...and the money for the hotel. :P
Now, New Years. My parents want me to go to the party at the Mildebrandts' (where I will get maybe a sip of alcohol), and Jenelle wants me to go to the party at Jenga's (where I will probably have one or two slightly-alcohol drinks)(gee, I'm exciting at parties). I really wanna go to Jenga's apartment. It's awesome there and it's really close to home. Plus, Nelle and I have agreed that at midnight, since neither of us have been kissed at midnight (and since both the boys we've been messing around with would never want to kiss us in front of other people), we're going to kiss at midnight. xD It'll be PERFECT. Though, I'm not sure how well it'll go. I'll probably chicken out at the last second, haha. I guess we'll see. If I can go to Jenga's party. *crosses fingers*
It's 2 AM and I have to be up by 10 at the latest, so I'm heading to bed. Good night, sweet dreams, and I'll write again soon.
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