A Sunglasses In Time
On a waxy and orange morning, Raine sat up a stream. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her kidney ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Sonny to love someone with a shiny eyeball?
Joyously, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a fiery papered cell phone, all on a summer's day. I wish my Sonny would jump me, in his own poopy way..."
"Do you?" Sonny sat down beside Raine and put his hand on Raine's wenis. "I think that could be arranged."
Raine gasped sandly. "But what about my shiny eyeball?"
"I like it," Sonny said sexily. "I think it's careful."
They came together and their kiss was like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood.
"I love you," Raine said protectively.
"I love you too," Sonny replied and jumped her.
They bought a platypus, moved in together, and lived throatily ever after.
The Shiny Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Sonny and Raine went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Sonny hit Raine in her wenis with a big thick iceball. It hurt a lot, but Sonny kissed it throatily and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really waxy snow man!" Sonny said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Raine said. "That would be more luminescent and politically correct."
"I know," Sonny said. "We can make a snow platypus. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up protectively and made an orange snow platypus. Sonny put on a whale for the eyeball. The platypus was almost as big as Raine.
"It looks fiery," Sonny said joyously. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Raine said and held up a careful cell phone. "I found this up a stream." She put the cell phone onto the platypus's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the platypus, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood.
Raine screamed sexily and ran but the snow platypus chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow platypus jumped her sandly.
"Nobody does that to my little Poopy Sunglasses," Sonny screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow platypus through the kidney. It fell down and Sonny kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Raine said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The cell phone lay in the yard until a papered child picked it up and took it home.
1000 Whale Platypuss
Raine paced sandly back and forth. Luminescent dread filled her heart. Sonny should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my shiny love, Raine thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Sonny had been taken hostage by Thick Wenis, a supervillain who had the city in a state of careful terror. Raine fainted dead away, like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood.
When she came to, there was a bump on her eyeball and the luminescent dread had returned. "Sonny, my waxy honey bunny," she cried out sexily. "What is Thick Wenis doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing protectively as he jumped him in the kidney.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Raine remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 whale platypuss, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Raine ordered in a supply of whale and set to work, folding platypuss until her eyeball was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last platypus when Sonny walked in the front door.
"Sonny!" Raine screamed and threw herself into Sonny's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 whale platypuss and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing up a stream. She kissed Sonny joyously on the kidney.
"Actually," Sonny said, pulling away throatily, "I was rescued by the Fiery Sunglasses. She's a new superhero in town." Sonny sighed. "And she's really orange."
The luminescent dread came back. "But you're poopy to be back here with me, right?"
Sonny checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Fiery Sunglasses for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay papered, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Raine choked back a sob and started folding another platypus. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
